If I could walk away
by hypegurl
Summary: ...Pezberry...Santana Lopez struggles to rediscover who she is...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of that good stuff.**

Chapter 1

When I was sixteen I got my first job.

I worked at a bookstore.

The bookstore on Fifth and Perry Street became like my second home until I graduated high school. I wasn't a popular kid in high school nor did I fit in with the geeks. I wouldn't label my high school self a loner either. I had friends. I would say I was a pretty much a normal teenage. But then again that depends on what your definition of normal is.

I went to parties when I was invited, hung with friends, and spent quality time with my parents and my big brother. I also had days were all I wanted to do is be alone. I wanted to sit down and get lost in my thoughts or a book.

Amazing Read bookstore was my quiet place. It was the place that I spent hours upon hours sitting…and thinking. On days that I wanted that alone time I would go to the bookstore and find a quiet place to read a book or write my thoughts down.

It wasn't like I couldn't go home and be alone. My bedroom door did have a lock. It was just the quiet that could be hard to find. Noah, my older brother by a year, was a very social person. I would label him as popular. He was on the football, basket ball, and track team all four years of high school. Not to toot my own horn but our parents did make some good looking kids. Noah is very handsome. And just like in high school, he knows it. The girls loved him. They still do. But back to my original thought… Noah loved to socialize. So we often had parties at our house or a couple of his friends would always come to our house after school. So instead of going on home, I'd go to the bookstore.

After one long stressful day of school I walked into the bookstore to buy the latest Harry Potter book. I was planning on getting the book, sitting in the back of the bookstore and reading until it was time for me to go home for dinner. But that day I got to the bookstore and Emma Pillsbury, the manager and owner, said that I spent too much time in her bookstore to not work there. She gave me the book free of charge and offered me a job. I only worked for her Thursday through Sunday. The other days I spent with friends and in the bookstore reading, doing homework and having my alone time.

When I graduated and the end of the summer came, it was hard for me to say goodbye to that bookstore.

And now as I enter Amazing Read for the first time in five years, I feel like that little girl who spent a lot of her time held up in the back of this building with her head in a book. Not much had changed in the bookstore. It just seemed fuller. More people were sitting around at the couple of tables the store provided and more teenagers' frequent store, searching for something to read. When I use to work here the bookstore had a nice amount of customers, but they never had been a real rush. Most days Ms. Pillsbury could manage the store by herself.

"Hi…can I help you?" I jump a little at the sound of someone else's voice. I had blocked everything out as I took in the bookstore. I look up to see a young man smiling at me.

"Um…hi. I was wondering if Ms. Pillsbury is in today?" I glance over at his little name tag as I speak. It reads Dave.

"Oh yeah! She's in her office right now." The kid says excitedly. "I can go get her. Who should I say is asking for her?"He says with wondering eyes.

"Santana." I smile. His positive energy is contagious. "But...I know where her office is. I'll just go get her myself. I kind of want to surprise her."

"Sure." Dave grins and walks over to a little boy that looks lost.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when he walks away. I had set up a defensive wall when he first approached. These days my encounter with people either became completely awkward or upsetting. Since I got back in town my run-ins with people of my past have been nothing but awkward. Meetings with strangers have been upsetting because they don't know me so they can't help put stare. Staring is rude so I let them know that and sometimes that leads to arguments. But Dave, a complete stranger, left me neither upset or unsettled. He never looked down. He talked to me like a normal person. No one besides my family and close friends had been able to make me smile that much. For the first time in a year and a half, Dave made me I feel like the old Santana.

"Come in!" A cheerful voice calls out when I knock on the open office door of Emma Pillsbury. As I pass over the entry I see Emma with her back to me, leaning over a file cabinet.

"What kind of pamphlets are you looking for?" Emma jumps at the sound of my voice.

"Santana!" Before I know it, Ms. Pillsbury is around the desk, squeezing me in a hug. "Oh my…I'm so happy to see you!" She puts her hands up to her face to wipe away the few tears that had escaped.

"I missed you too." I grin.

"I stopped by your house a few months ago…" I know she wanted to look down but she doesn't. Her eyes stay on my face.

"I know."I sigh. "I wasn't ready to see anyone yet. I was still trying to adjust to being home again."

"Well…I'm so happy you came to see me."

"Me too." I move closer to her desk. "Do you…I'm kind of getting tired of looking at my bedroom walls. I was wondering if I could work for you. You don't have to pay me." I ramble out. "I don't even know if you need any help but…"

"Yes." She jumps up from the part of the desk she was sitting on. "Of course you can work here Santana!"

"Thank you."

%*^*%^

"Santana would you like to share anything?"

I'm currently in a support group meeting. I've been attending these meeting since I moved back home with my parent five months ago. My dad insisted that I stopped mopping around the house and become part of society again. His comment had pissed me off. We argued for the tenth time that week. The next day he came back with a number for this support group he wanted me to attend.

The support group meets every Tuesday and Friday night at the Wilson Canter. My first four visits I didn't participate at all. I just sat there and listened to other people talk about their problems. My fifth visit I spoke for the first time. I had come to the meeting after having another argument with my dad. I was angry. Will Schuester, the leader of the support group had asked me, like every time I visited, if I would like to share anything. And I did. I told them about how I was sick of my dad constantly telling me to act like a person. I told him how I don't think he understands what I lost. That he could never understand.

No one interrupted me. They didn't make comments about how I was wrong or how they agreed. They just listened. I needed that. I still need it.

"I got a job today." I smile thinking about my reunion with Ms. Pillsbury. "It's at a bookstore. I use to work there when I was in high school. I think it's a good thing."

"I think so too. Congratulations, Santana!" Will claps and everyone else joins in.

After the meeting Artie, a friend I met at the group meetings, and I have dinner at a diner near the center.

"So…look at what I got us." Artie slams two tickets down on the table. I pick them up and see they are theater tickets to a local play.

"Yeah, thanks…but no thanks." I hand the tickets over to Artie.

"What? Come on San!" Artie pushes his glasses back up his nose. "You loved the play we went to a few months ago. We even had great seats." I roll my eyes at him.

"Dude…you are always going to get a seat near the stage. You're handicapped."I grumble out.

"We." Artie says slowly. "We are handicapped." He doesn't sound angry. Just sad…not for himself but for me. Artie has been in a wheelchair since he was seven. This is all new to me.

"Look Artie…plays are just not my thing. It was fun in all but…"

"No further explanation needed. I'm sure I can find some hot thing to join me anyway." We both laugh in finish up dinner.

%^$&*^

"I read it like five times. Best book ever." Dave and I are in the bookstore sharing with each other what our favorite books are. "You can borrow my copy and then maybe you can tell me what you think."

"Sure." I wheel myself away from the table a little and then put the locks on so I don't roll backwards.  
>Hey Dave?" Dave looks up from the magazine he is flipping through. "Why haven't you asked me what happened yet." I drop my hands onto my legs as I speak to make sure he knows what I'm referring to.<p>

I've been back working at the bookstore for a month now and Dave is the only one who hasn't looked at me like I'm helpless or asked me what happened to put me in a wheelchair. Instead when we work together we talk about anything and everything else. Like how he's a freshman in high school and how he wishes he could have a dog but cannot because his sister is allergic.

Dave got off of work a few hours ago but stayed behind to keep me company while I rearranged some books.

"I just figured that it's none of my business." He smiles. "If and when you want me to know you'll tell me, right?"

"Right." I nod slowly.

It's crazy how the first person I've formed a good friendship with outside of the support group and my family, is a high school kid. But then again Dave doesn't really act like a kid. He seems far more mature than his age. He has incredible manners, great work ethnics and quiet clam about him.

"Oh man!" Dave says after glancing at his watch. He jumps up and starts to collect the magazines on the table. "I was meant to be home an hour ago. My sisters going to kill me." He rushes to the back to grab whatever things he brought with him. "See ya, Santana!"

$%&*^&89

Remember when I told you my brother was a social butterfly. Well he still is. Noah never moved away after graduating a year before me. Instead he went to community college and moved out of our parent's house and married my best friend. Quinn Farbray.

While a lot has changed about my brother, like his slutty ways, he still likes to party. So when my 23rd birthday comes around I shouldn't be this surprised when my mom drives closer to my house and the street is completely packed with cars.

"Oh…no no no!" I bang my fist against the door.

"Santana calm down. Noah thought…"

"Who fuc...freaking cares what Noah thinks!" This is all too much for me right now. My mom parks the car and turns to me. She places a calming hand on top of mines.

"Santana you've been doing so well. He just thought that being around some old high school friends and a couple of friends from your support group would be good for you."

"Mom…I've been doing great." I nod at my own words. "Great…but at my own pace. I don't want a party. It's…" Before I can get the words out there is a knock on my car door window. Quinn is standing at my door with a concerned look on her face. Noah is standing behind her frowning.

"Tell everyone to go home." I say after rolling down the window.

"San…" Quinn sighs. "Look…I told him it was a bad idea but he wouldn't listen."

"Nothing new." Noah flips me the bird.

"Just come inside and show your face and then we can tell everyone you're not feeling good. You can go to your room and…well the people can stay or go. Whatever you want." I nod and allow Noah to help me out of the car.

Despite all the cars lining the street, not to many people are in my home when I roll through the door. Artie and Will from the support group pop out yelling surprise. Some people that I knew in high school and a couple of people that I know from the neighborhood also greet me as I get further into the house.

It takes me about thirty minutes to go around the room and say thank you for coming to everyone. When everyone has been thanked I make a trip to the kitchen for some alone time.

"So should I tell everyone to get lost?" Quinn follows me into the kitchen.

"No. They look they are having a nice time." I smile thinking about how Artie already has some blonde head girl on his lap.

"It's not about them. It's about you." Quinn washes her hands and starts putting chips and dip onto a plate. "Noah had good intentions. Remember that when you cuss him out, please." Quinn adds a hot dog onto the plate and hands it off to me.

I think if it wasn't for Quinn I'd still be sitting in my room depressed. We've know each other since we were six. Quinn has always been the person I could talk to when I felt like I couldn't talk to my parents or my brother about a problem I was having. She always listens to everything I have to say than give her honest opinion about the situation. She never tells me what she thinks I want to hear, but what I need to hear.

The week before I went to ask for my job back at the bookstore had been incredibly hard for me. That week in support group everyone was talking about steps they had took to achieving some normalcy into their lives. Like how they reconnected with friends or they pursued work opportunities. I had nothing to talk about. For a year and a month I had done nothing. Outside of going to physical therapy, the support group was my only other contact with someone who wasn't part of my family. I was still angry about the accident that turned my life upside down. I had different plans for my life. I was having a hard time facing that I had to reevaluate some of my plans to fit my new life.

So that Friday I skipped the group meeting because I had nothing to give. At the time I didn't want to move on with my life. I felt like there was nothing to move on to. Quinn came over and wanted to watch a movie with me that night, but I bitched at her. I told her I wanted to be left alone. She didn't leave. Instead she told me to stop being a baby. She told me that she loved me and she'll never understand how I feel but it hurts her to see me throwing my life away. Then she told me to just do something that would make me happy. Quinn wanted me to do something that meant something to _me_. It didn't matter what it was or if no one understood it but me. But to just do _something_.

So I went to the bookstore.

And the next week I went back to the support group with something to share.

"Thanks,Q."

TBC

**Okay…so I know it's crazy that I'm starting another story while I still have so many in progress but I got an idea in ran with it. I'm still working on my other stories so have no fear. If you guys could review and tell me what you think about this beginning that would be great. **

**Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Oh Santana…are you sure you are up to working today?" Ms. Pillsbury says looking me over. "It's okay if you need today off. I'm sure Dave wouldn't mind staying a little later if I ask."

I try not to frown at her words. Apparently this is her way of saying a look like shit and probably shouldn't work today. I didn't really get a lot of sleep last night. I had another nightmare.

I started having nightmares my first week out of the hospital. During my month in the hospital I was drugged up a lot, so when I went to sleep I was pretty much knocked out. But when I got home my medication was lighter and I found it harder not to close my eyes without seeing headlights. I started losing a lot of sleep. My mom or Noah would stay up with me most nights. I didn't like talking much after the accident so we would just sit in silence. For months I barely got any sleep.

Once my other injuries healed I was able to take something to help me sleep without it interfering with the medication I was taking to help with my recovery. I stopped taking sleep aids five months after the nightmares began. It wasn't a healthy way with dealing with my nightmare or my reality. And for the most part I slept okay. Every now and then I have a nightmare. Last night was one of those nights were the accident hunted me.

"No. I'm okay." A roll my chair out of the way of the entrance. Ms. Pillsbury sighs and nods her head. I give her lazy smile and wheel myself around the store trying to find my buddy Dave. Dave usually fills me in on everything interesting that happened at the books that day and what needs to be done. It's a Saturday. On Saturdays Dave works in the mornings and I work the afternoons. I wish we could work together but he says his sister have weekends off so they have family days. I can't argue with family day.

"Santana!" Dave greets me excitedly. "Hey." He lowers his voice when the person standing the next aisle over shushes him. This place is more like a library than a bookstore. I always loved that about it.

"What's up, man?" I laugh at the giddiness that's playing across his face.

"Guess what my sister surprised me with this morning!" He quickly says sorry to the frowning customers when his voice rises again. "Basketball tickets." He grins. "She said it's for getting straight A's this past semester."

"Oh wow. That's so cool. Who's playing?" I share his excitement. I know Dave works hard in school, so it's great that he's getting this special treat.

Before you know it I'm putting books onto shelves and listening to Dave goes on and on about the basketball game he will be attending in just few hours.

"Finally, I found you." I hear a soft voice say from behind me. "I was surprised you weren't standing at the curb ready to jump into the car and get to the game." I turn my head to see the side of a woman's face. Dave frowns and looks down at his watch.

"Sorry. I just got caught up in telling Santana about the game. It's going to be so awesome." Dave informs the woman that I'm assuming is his sister.

"It's okay."I can see a smile form on her face as she watches Dave gather his belongings.

"Oh how rude of me." He looks over at me. "Santana…this is my sister, Rachel. Rachel, this is Santana." I turn my chair so I can fully face the siblings. My mouth goes dry when get a full view of his sister. She has dark brown hair that stops just below her shoulders and chocolate eyes. Dave is a little taller than her. I imagine if I could stand, I'd be taller than her as well.

"Uh...hi." I finally get my mouth to work.

"Hi! David has told me so much about you!" I can see where Dave gets his enthusiasm. Rachel sticks her hand out and we shake hands.

"Same. Nice to meet you." I pull my hand back and try not to stare at the beautiful woman standing in front of me.

"Gosh David. You didn't tell me she was so shy." Rachel giggles.

"I told you she doesn't talk a lot." He frowns at Rachel. "Anyway can you guys like… catch up later? I don't want to be late for the game, Rach." Dave grabs his bag, waves at me and heads towards the front of the store.

"Nice meeting you again. Maybe we can chat longer at a later date." Rachel beams at me and follows her brother. "Hello and goodbye Ms. Pillsbury." I hear Rachel greet Ms. Pillsbury who is walking towards me.

"I see you've met Rachel." Ms. Pillsbury smiles, "Such a lovely young lady."

"I feel like I've seen her somewhere before." I mumble trying to remember where I could have seen her. Maybe we went to school together. No…that's not right. Dave said they moved here a few years ago. So where in the world…

"Well…have you visited your mom at the University recently?" Ms Pillsbury inquires. My mom works at the local University.

"No. What does that have to do with seeing Rachel?"

"Rachel teaches in the theater department at the University." Ms. Pillsbury informs me. I haven't been on the University campus in a couple of years. Last time I visited my mom at work was a few years back when I came home from school for a three day visit.

"No…I didn't see her there." I shrug.

"Well why you think on it…could you input the information for these books into the computer…"

%^&*&^%

"I can't believe you invited me out for ice cream." Artie gushes. "I feel like we're on a date."

"You would consider getting ice cream a date?" I frown.

"Hey…as long as it's with a hot chick, we could be watching paint dry for all I care." A laugh at the craziness that comes out of my friend's mouth. "You're my hot chick."

"No." I smile at him. "Gay is what I am. Remember? We've talked about this."

"Yeah…yeah…" He waves me off. "So…you need to be my wingman."

"What happened to that blonde that was all over you at my birthday party? Why was she at my party anyway? I don't even know her." I frown.

"I still hang out with Brittany. She's a cool girl."I wait to hear him gush about her but nothing comes.

"That's all you're going to say? Are you guys dating or what?"

"I don't know what we're doing. I invited her to that play I told you about. So I guess we will see what happens from there…"

"Cool. I think she would be good for you." I smile and pat his hand that is resting on the table. "You're a good guy and you deserve happiness."

"Oh…Santana…what has gotten into you?" Artie raises a suspicious eyebrow. "Buying me ice cream, being all nice and stuff…what's up?"

"Nothing. Just having a good week." I smile thinking about rich brown eyes.

#$%^&*)(&

If there is one thing I still haven't gotten use to since being paralyzed, it's asking for help. It kills me to have to have someone go grocery shopping with me or help get a bowl out of the cabinet so I can have cereal in the morning. It's just something I'm not use to.

And because of my stubbornness, it makes doing things like going to the restroom in the middle of the night that more taxing.

Right now I'm sitting in my wheelchair in the bathroom. I've been sitting her for the past three minutes trying to get myself together. My muscles are tense from having to lift my body from my chair to the toilet and back again.

My head whips around when I hear the bathroom door being pushed open. My mother stands in the doorway.

"You okay in here?"

"Yeah. I'm good."

"You know you could have woken me up to help you."

It's been over a year of me having to use my upper body strength to do things. Most of the time, I don't have a problem lifting myself out of my chair. But at night my medicine can make me weak and going to the restroom can be a little difficult at times.

"I don't need help." I say and turn my wheelchair so I can roll past her.

"Santana…"My mom sighs.

"I don't need a lecture. I got this. Please…leave it alone." My mom stares at me for a minute before nodding and walking back down the hall towards her bedroom.

^%&$^%^&

"Santana…are you listening to me?" Dave voice brings me back from the daydream I found myself in while separating the new books that just came in.

"I'm sorry…what?" Dave just grins at me.

"I said we are not going to be working together on Tuesday. Rachel's picking me up from school and then I'm going to one of her shows that night."

"Shows?" I ask confused.

"Yeah…my sister's play has been open for a couple of weeks now."

"The University is putting on a play?" I ask while passing Dave a stack of books to put in the non-fiction pile.

"No, silly. Rachel also does stuff for the community theater. She's a great actress." Dave face lights up with pride while he gushes about his sister.

"That's cool." I smile. All of a sudden I remember where I saw his sister. "Was your sister in that one play…ah…damn what was the name of it..." I huff out frustrated with my memory.

"_Enchanted_. Yeah. She was the lead."

Well hot damn.

"I saw her in that. She was great!" Good thing the store is kind of empty or people would be complaining about my loud voice.

"You should come see this show. She's not the lead but she still has a great part and…"I love Dave but sometimes the kid can talk for hours.

My thoughts turn back to Rachel. It's funny how I remember being enchanted by her during the play. I thought she was a pretty girl then, and now after having met her…I think she's beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"You ate all the Captain Crunch?" Noah shakes the empty box.

"Isn't that what it look like genius?" I shake my head, wheeling my chair to the table where a nice bowl of Frosted Flakes awaits me.

"You are so greedy!" I munch happily on my cereal while my brother searches through the cabinet for another box of cereal that he likes. "Ugh… you left all the nasty cereal." I laugh at the pout on his face. It really is ridicules that he still gets that mad about cereal at his age.

"Hey…what's all the noise about, huh?" Our dad enters the kitchen with a mug of coffee.

"That excuse for a daughter of yours…"

"Hey." Dad cuts Noah a look.

"She ate all the Captain Crunch." Noah crosses his arms. Dad walks past Noah, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

"You guys still act like children." He shakes his head. "Why don't you be a big boy and make yourself some eggs or something."

"Yeah bro. Grow up." I chime in. Quinn and mom walk in before dad can tell me to stop teasing my brother.

"Good morning!" Mom greets us with a warm smile. "Noah stop pouting…I'm making breakfast." I roll my eyes and blow mom a kiss.

"Oh…she's blowing kisses now." Quinn laughs at my actions and sits in the chair next to me.

"Hey beautiful." I swallow my mouthful of cereal and lean over to plant a nice wet kiss on her cheek.

"Keep your nasty lips off of my woman." Noah playful glares at me.

"Quinn likes it!" I stick my tongue out at him.

The morning goes on with mom making breakfast. I even eat a pancake which according to Noah makes me a fat ass. When everyone is done with eating, Quinn volunteers to wash the dishes and I volunteer to dry them. The guys leave the kitchen and Quinn and I go about washing the dishes while my mom talks about her plans for the day.

"So San…you seem a lot happier lately." My mom comments. "Anything you care to share?"She asks with a grin and a raised eyebrow.

"Okay…see, I don't know what that look is for but it needs to go." I smile at her.

"Oh…so that means you've met a girl?"

"Sanny you got a girl!" Noah pops back into the kitchen. "Show me a picture dude!"

"Noah enough with all the yelling," Mom hands him her coffee mug to refill. "And Santana answer the question."

"No."

"No?"

"No ma'am. There is no girl." Quinn makes a weird noise with her mouth and I look up to see a grin on her face. "Stop. There is no one. There is nothing to tell."

"Sure."

*&(*$&*^TY*

"…She's just amazing, San. Like…I never thought…" I watch as Artie takes a second to get his thoughts together. "It's never been this easy for me. Girls…girls don't look at the guy in the wheelchair, you know?" Artie frowns once the words come out of his mouth. "I'm sorry…that was…" I know he is apologizing for bring up a topic that is still so raw to me. While I have been dealing better with being paralyzed, I haven't fully embraced how much the accident has changed my life. Romantic relationships are something I haven't thought of since the first few months after the accident. I've been too busy trying to keep intact my relationships with my family and learn how to build new friendships.

"Its okay. " I assure him with a weak smile. "Keep going…"

"I…it's just…I don't feel invisible anymore. Brittany really care about me," Artie smiles. "I'm happy."

Artie took Brittany to dinner and the play over a month ago. They have been spending a lot of time together and Artie always calls me excited about something Brittany said or did. And tonight as I lie in bed and listen to my friend tell me about how he asked Brittany to be his girlfriend, I feel happy for him but also sad for myself.

Since I've known Artie he has always come off as very confident and bold. He never let his physical appearance stop him from flirting with our waitress or any girl he thought was pretty in the grocery store. He always says 'Sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss. But at least you tried.' Sometimes I get jealous of how easy he makes everything seem. Here he is with this new girlfriend and here I am, crushing on a girl that I'm too afraid to talk to.

Rachel has stopped by the bookstore a few times to pick up Dave. She's always polite when she sees me. Always saying hello and asking how I am. But it never goes past that. Everything I know about her has been obtained by Dave. I try not to ask him so many questions about his sister because that'd be just weird. He's just a kid and he doesn't even know I'm gay and crushing on his big sister. Either way it doesn't matter because I'm not like Artie. I can't just talk to a girl and act like it won't frustrate me when they stare at my legs for too long. Some people don't mean to be rude. They are just curious and I get that. But at the same time it frustrates me. Plus I'm not ready to deal with rejection. Hell even if she did say yes to me I wouldn't know what to do.

$%^&*(IO*&^

The thing I like most about working in the bookstore is how calm it is. Everything seems to just flow. People come and out, looking over books, asking questions, and buying books. It just flows. There rarely is a rowdy bunch. I mean come on, it's a book store. But every now and then you get a smart ass or two. Some lame kid who is only in the bookstore because of some research paper they have to do or buy a book for a class.

And most day I know how to handle them. I don't let the small stuff get to me.

But today. Today I can't help but to freak out.

"Hey kid!" I wheel my chair over to the two noisy teenager's oven in the corner of the store. Two teenage boys, a red head and a brunette, that keeps throwing around a baseball. The ball has hit the floor a few times and just before I came over, it hit the wall behind the red head. "This aint no field. You wanna practice catching, take it outside." I say stopping my chair just behind and over to the side of the dark head boy.

"You can't kick us out. We aint hurting nobody." The brunette smirks over his shoulder at me. He rolls his eyes before throwing the ball back over to the red head.

"Put the ball away or get out." It's taking all my power not to slap the brunette. The red head tosses the ball up and down in his hand while eyeing me. "I said…" I stop talking when the ball is released from the red head hand and makes contact with my left knee.

I watch as it hits my knee and falls to the floor. I just watch as the ball rolls under the table.

"Get. Out." I don't raise my voice but my facial expression must have been scary enough because the boys rush out of their seats and out the door without even trying to retrieve their baseball.

I don't watch them leave. Instead I reach down and rub my left leg. The ball was thrown hard enough that if I could have felt the impact it would have stung. But instead I feel nothing. Not the contact the ball made or my fingers as they run over my knee.

"Are you okay, Santana?" Ms. Pillsbury appears next to me, hand resting on my shoulder.

"No."

%*&^&*%*&%

The accident with the teenagers and the baseball happened two days ago. Two days is also the number of days I've been held up in my room. I only leave it to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash up. I have ignored all of Artie's calls and have been short with Quinn, Noah and my mom when they come into my room and try to talk to me

I just want to be left alone.

"Santana, you…"

"Mom, please…" I whine and turn my face away from her. I would have locked the door but I can't because my mom would freak out. She made me promise not to lock the door after the first night I argued with my father and locked the door. She's afraid of something happening and not being able to get in fast enough to help me.

"…some boy is here to see you. He said his name is David and he works with you." Mom continues from my bedroom doorway.

"Dave's here?" My mom nods.

"Can I send him in?" She says hesitantly. "He says he'd really like to see you."

"Okay." I agree after giving it some thought.

Three minutes later there is a knock on my door. I call for him to come in.

"Hey," Dave says quietly but with a big smile on his face. "Ms. Pillsbury gave me your address after spending the whole day with me asking if you were going to come back to work."

"Miss me?" I tease. I use my arms to push my body into a sitting position.

"Of course! Work is boring without my buddy there." Dave doesn't hesitate to sit on the side of my bed. Dave starts telling me about his schooling and the things that have been going on at the store since he last saw me.

"Are you going to ask me why I haven't been to work these past two day?" I interrupt his story about how Ms. Pillsbury thinks it's a good idea to start having themed weeks at the bookstore.

"Only if you want me too." Dave says softly.

"Friday it will be two years. Two years." I manage a sad laugh. "You know…this is not my original room. My childhood bedroom is up stairs." I inform him while looking around the room that has been mines since I got home. "I've only been up there a handful of times since I've moved back in with my parents. It's too much of a hassle." Dave just sits quietly and listens. "One day I was sitting in my car. I…I was listening to some music. Sitting in the car and just…" I shake my head to stop from putting myself back in that moment. I've done enough of that in the last few days. "I use to be able to walk."

"Why are you…"

"Telling you this?" I finish for him. "Because you want to know but will never ask because your too polite to asks." I tease. "Plus…I just thought you should know why your buddy," I point to myself. "…has gone mission in action on you recently."

"It's okay," Dave says after a minute of silence. "We all have bad days."

"Yeah." I sigh and rest my head back against the headboard, closing my eyes.

"Rachel made you get well cookies." Dave's voice carries to my ears. "She makes the best cookies." I can hear the pride in his voice.

"Does she?"

"Yeah…let me go get you some." Before I know it he's off the bed and out the door. A few minutes later there is a knock on the door.

"Just come in Dave."

"Not Dave." My eyes go wide when I turn my head and Rachel is standing there with a smile on her face and a plate of cookies in her hands.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, reviewing and subscribing. **

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, glee or any of that good stuff.**

**A/N: Thank you guys for commenting. I like to read what you guys think. I'm happy you guys seem to like this story so far. Please feel free to leave me your thoughts anytime in a review or by messaging me. Also thank you to everyone who reads and subscribes to this story or any of my stories! Thank you MUCH!**

Chapter 4

"Hi." I watch silently as Rachel stands in my bedroom doorway.

"Hey." I breathe out.

"May I?" She motions towards my room.

"Uh yea…please." I fumble over my words.

"David said you haven't been feeling well," Rachel slowly approaches my bed. "I like to think cookies help make things better."

"Yeah, thanks." I smile when she hands me a plate with a few on there.

"Your mom said you don't eat too many treats…so I thought just a few would do."

"No…this is fine. Thanks." I take a bite out of one of the chocolate chip cookies. "Mmm…tasty. I bet my dad is having no problem taking care of the rest of them." Rachel laughs and moves across the room to sit on the chair in the corner of the room. A few months ago when I was having another breakdown, my mom went out and bought me a recliner. She said if I refused to leave the room at least leave the bed and sit in the chair.

"Oh…this is comfy." Rachel sighs and sits back in the chair.

"My mom bought it." I say the only thing that comes to my mind.

Rachel just smiles and looks around the room. There's not much to look at. The only furniture in the room is the chair Rachel's sitting in, my bed, and a dresser with a TV on top of it. My childhood bedroom has pictures and posters littering the walls. I also have trophies from different activities I participated in during my high school and college years. This room has nothing but bare walls…

"Oh my…this is beautiful." Rachel's voice brings me out of my thoughts. I look up and she's no longer in the chair, but now standing next to the dresser with a picture frame in her hand.

She's holding a picture that I had forgotten was even in there. I had turned it around so that the picture faces the wall. I didn't want to see it.

My dad had marched into my room one day after we argued and held it in my face. He told me to remember that I am capable of more than just sitting in my room and watching life past me by. The picture was brought in motivate me.

"You took this?" Rachel's eyes dance over the picture again before she settles those brown eyes on me.

"Yeah," I say with a small nod. I watch as Rachel run her finger along the bottom of the picture where I know my name is sloppily signed.

"I'm guessing that's your bother?" Rachel says referring to the picture. The image she's looking at is a black and white picture of my brother and mom walking and laughing in the park. It was a little windy so they were trying to keep a hold of their belongings. My mom's hair is blowing and Noah is grinning as he holds one hand on top of his head to keep his hat from flying away.

"Yeah," Rachel smiles at the picture one more time before putting it back down. But instead of facing it toward the wall like she found it, she sits it so I can clearly see it from my bed.

"Sorry for just popping up." She steps closer to the bed. "David was just really worried and demanded that we came to check up on you."

"It's fine. I…I don't mind. Thanks." I smile shyly at her.

"So…are you feeling better?" I watch as she slowly walks closer to the bed. "My brother misses you terribly at the bookstore. And I also would like to see you doing well." She runs her hand alongside my bed.

I just watch her fingers go a short distance on the cover and back again.

Here in my room is beautiful young lady asking if I'm doing better. Now I can't exactly tell her the truth, which is…that I felt bad for myself and decided to shut everyone out and lock myself in my room. Will she understand how I sometimes find myself emotional unstable? Is that something you even tell a stranger?

"I feel…better." I nod. "I'm going to work tomorrow." Rachel smiles and steps back from the bed.

"I'm happy to hear that, Santana." She walks over to the door. "You were greatly missed." She sends me another bright smile before waving and leaving my room.

$%^&*&^%$

I returned to the bookstore the next day like I said and Dave and Ms. Pillsbury was thrilled to see me. They acted like I had been on for years. Dave helped me file away information on new books that we had come into the bookstore that week. While we worked he told me about his school day and how nice he thought my parents were. The night he was over he came back to my room after Rachel left to give me a hug before leaving with his sister. He told me about how he started to bring me the cookies but got caught up in the kitchen talking about basketball with my dad.

I also went to the support group meeting that night too. It was Friday so everyone got the chance to share how their week had been. I didn't speak. I felt embarrassed that I had let myself go back to that dark place. I didn't want them to see how easily I became depressed after all the progress I've made the past two years. I mean…yeah I could have told them about how it was the anniversary of my accident. I would have gone on and on about how just making it through the day was a hard thing to do. But I didn't. I just sat and listened.

Afterwards I apologized to Artie for ignoring his phone calls. He didn't make me beg for forgiveness or anything; he just offered to buy me ice cream. I think his feelings were hurt and he wanted to discuss it but he also knows about my anniversary so he didn't push the issue.

I spent the weekend working and with my mom doing little tasks before working in the evenings. It was like she didn't want me to be alone for too long. Like she was afraid I'd resort back to lying in my bed all day and not talking to anyone. So instead she would have me go to the grocery store with her or watch TV in the living room with her.

Now it's Monday and I feel great. I started the day off by having breakfast at a nice little café with my mom and Quinn. And now I'm at the bookstore watching Dave blush every time this teenage girl looks our way.

"I can't believe you forgot to inform me that you have a girlfriend now." I tease when I catch Dave shyly waving at the girl.

"Santana!" Dave knocks a stack of books over. "Please lower you voice."

"Dude," I laugh. "You just yelled my name. Calm down."

"What if she heard you?" He looks panicked. "She's not my girlfriend." Dave's eyes are wide and he actually looks like he might get sick.

"Calm down, Dave. She's all the way across the room. She can't hear me." Dave takes a calm breath than looks back across the room. The girl is now writing in a notebook she brought with her to the store.

"So…what's her name?" I inquire.

"Sugar. And she's not my girlfriend."

"That's a shame. She's pretty." I comment and he blushes.

"She's smart too." Dave supplies. "We have Biology together."

"Ew…Biology sucks." A frown covers my face as I thinking about how much I hated science when I was in high school. "So when are you going to ask her out." Dave eyes go back wide.

"What? I'm not going to ask her out."

"Um…why not? Don't you like her?" I asked confused.

"I…she..." Dave sits frowning at the books he knocked over. "I don't know what to say to her."

"What do you mean?"I watch as Dave scoots his chair closer to my wheelchair and leans in closer to me.

"I never talked to a girl before." I just stare at him. "I mean…you know…I've never talked to a girl like that?"

"Girl like that?"

"A girl that I…like." He whispers. "I don't know what to say or do."

"I see."

"Could you help me?" He asks with hope in his voice. "Like give me some pointers."

I open my mouth to advice him to seek help from a male in his life, but then I stop and think. I've never heard Dave mention his dad or a brother. Matter of fact, the only person he ever talks about is his sister. He never talks about his parents.

"Um…what about Rachel? Have you talked to her about this stuff?" I decided to focus on the subject at hand. I'll worry about that parent situation later.

"No!" A woman reading a book a few tables down shush him. "She's a _girl_. Not to mention she's my sister."

"Dave…I'm a _girl_ too."

"I know but you're also my buddy. I can't talk to my sister about stuff like this."

"Yeah. I see your problem." I take a second and think about this. Dave is my buddy, but he is also still a kid. I can't be the person he goes to about girl problems and I defiantly wouldn't know what to tell him in regards to being a growing boy.

"Hey…my brother and his wife come over on Wednesday's for dinner at my house. I'm sure Noah wouldn't mind giving you some tips on how to woo the ladies. How about you and Rachel join us for dinner Wednesday?"

"I…don't…" He looks hesitant to say yes.

"Look…I don't know that much about..." I stop to think about how I want to say this. "My brother does a Big Brother mentoring program, so he has more experience with talking to boys about…life and stuff. He wouldn't mind helping you out. Plus…if you thought my dad was exciting to talk to about sports…Noah will blow you away with his love for sports."

I guess I said the right thing because a smile breaks out on Dave's face and he agrees to talk to his sister about coming to dinner Wednesday.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or none of that good stuff.**

**A/N: You guys are awesome! Thanks for reading, subscribing and reviewing. I hope you guys like this chapter and please don't hesitate to leave me your thoughts. Thanks!**

Chapter 5

"Damn, Lopez…you move fast," Artie wheels his self closer to me. "You got the girl already cooking for you and meeting your family. Damn, you got game." Artie laughs at his own jokes.

It's Wednesday morning and I decided to meet with Artie for breakfast since he never showed up for the group meeting last night. I apologized again for ignoring him last week. Artie said don't worry about it but next time to not forget that he's always there whenever I need to talk.

"It's not like that." My eyes continue to search the street in front of me for my mom's van. "The cookies were just a get well gift, and tonights about helping Dave."

"Well…while your brother is helping Dave, you should be helping yourself to some Rachel."

"Shut up." I roll my eyes and wave bye to him when my mom pulls up.

*#$%^&*(

"Hey loser, Dave and Rachel are here." Noah doesn't bother knocking and just walks into my room. "And can I just say…that Rachel chick is hot!"

"And you're married." I roll my eyes.

"Uh…minor detail." Noah shrugs. "Ow." Noah rubs the back of his head where Quinn just slapped him.

"San…I'm thinking about leaving your brother." Quinn steps into the room.

"Good. You're abusive anyway."

"Guys mayb…" I don't get to finish my sentence before our mom pokes her head into my bedroom.

"The three of you better stop being rude to our guest and get into that living room." She leaves as quickly as she came.

When we get into the living room Dave's looking uncomfortable on the couch and Rachel is standing at the mantelpiece, looking over photos.

"Mom said dinner will be ready in the next thirty minutes." Noah walks into the room and flops down on the couch next to Dave. "San said you like basketball. I have this collection of stuff upstairs. You wanna go up and check it out with me?"Dave looks from my brother's face, to his sister who just smiles at him.

"Yeah, that sounds cool." Next thing I know the boys are running up the stairs.

"Gosh…your brother is just one big ass kid." Quinn says taking Noah's spot on the couch.

"Well…you're the idiot that married him." I smile when Quinn sticks her tongue out at me.

"So Rachel…Mom told me that you guys work at the school together," Quinn starts, "How'd you get into the teaching world?"

Rachel turns around from the picture she was looking at and smiles at Quinn.

"Well…I love the theater. I went to a performing arts school for college. Did some off Broadway plays and after graduating a landed a role on Broadway but then..." Rachel trails off with a sad look. "Uh…some stuff happened and I had to come back to Ohio. I needed a job and…well the rest is history. " Rachel sighs. "I love teaching though." The smile makes its way back onto her face.

The next couple of minutes are spent with them chatting about their respectable occupations. I spend those minutes sneaking glances at Rachel when she's not looking. Only once has our eyes connected, leaving me blushing as I looked away.

"Santana?" I'm brought out of my thoughts by Rachel calling my name.

"Yeah?" I ask looking around the room for Quinn.

"She went to help your mom in the kitchen." Rachel answers my unspoken question. "Are you okay?" I just nod. "I want to thank you for inviting us over. I think it's great what you and your brother are doing for David."

"It's no problem."

"I know it means the world to him. He talks very highly of you." Rachel's words make me blush.

"He's a great kid. I try to help when I can."

$%^&*(*&%^&

I can't help but feel a little nerve while my family, Dave, and Rachel interacted during dinner. This is the first time since I been home that we've had anyone over for dinner besides Noah and Quinn. My mom has the tendency to tell incredibly embarrassing stories about me and my brother. And Noah is no better, he is as just informative and nosy as our mom. My dad just sits back and listens, commenting every now and then. Quinn is my only ally right now. She always brings up light conversations and knows how's to keep Noah in check.

"Oh San?" I'm brought out of my thoughts by Dave. I look down the table at the excited teenager sitting next to my brother. "Noah said that you have a cool trophies collection. Can I see it sometime?"

"Um…yeah. Sure." I nod and go back to pushing my corn around on my plate.

"Oh Santana was quite the little athlete. She wasn't into sports as much as Noah but she was still good at everything she attempted." My mom adds with a proud smile. "She liked track alright but her true heart lies with the camera."

I keep my eyes focused on my plate as my mom rambles on about how I use to carry a camera or a book around everywhere I went as a teenager.

"So Santana you're responsible for all these beautiful photos around the house?"Rachel sends me a smile from her seat across from me. "You have a lovely talent."

"Thank you." It's a simply response. In the past I would have loved the attention I was getting for my work, but right now I don't want to talk about the photo's or track. I don't want to talk about things that meant so much to me, things that I no longer feel connected to.

$&*^&*^&(T%

"Dave's a smart kid. Though I can't figure out why he likes you." Noah says from his spot on the recliner.

The rest of dinner went well. Rachel and Dave stayed around a little longer, so Dave could play a little basketball with my dad and Noah. After they left Noah and Quinn said goodnight to our parents and invited themselves into my room for some light conversation.

"Shut up, butt face." I stick my tongue out at him.

"Gosh…you two act like children." Quinn says from her spot at the end of my bed.

"Whatever…so did you give Dave some good advice? What did you say…what did he ask you?" I inquire.

"Now, now little Sanny. You know I can't tell you what was said between men." I scoff. "Hey none of that. The kids in good hands. That's all you need to know." Noah gets up, walks over and plants a wet kiss on my cheek. "Love you kid."

When Noah leaves the room, Quinn moves up the bed to sit next to me.

"Quinn…how many times do I have to tell you I don't mess with married women?" I tease, laying my head on her shoulder.

"But you do like short brunettes?" I frown at her words. "Rachel is cute."

"Quinn…"

"Don't try to deny it, Santana." Quinn pats my hand that's on her arm. "Don't think I didn't see you stealing glance at her whenever you thought no one was looking."

"Okay…so she's cute." I admit. "That's it."

"And any other time you would have been putting on your charm. What's up?" Quinn says with a serious tone in her voice now.

Quinn's rights. The old Santana would have been nothing but confident, instead of the shy and reserved person that I was at dinner tonight.

"I'm not that girl anymore, Quinn." I remove my head from her shoulder.

"San…"

"No." I shake my head. "Please. Just don't." I'm not ready to have this conversation.

"See you for breakfast tomorrow." She says after a couple of minutes of silence. "Night." Quinn places a kiss to my forehead before getting out of the bed.

"Quinn?" I call before she can walk out the door. Quinn looks over her shoulder at me. "I love you."

"Love you too, Hun."

#$%^&*(*&^%

I've been at work for an hour now and Dave hasn't said much all day. Usually I can't get the kid to shut up. He just have been working silently and looking over at the door every five minutes.

"Okay kid. What's up?" I say after another thirty minutes of silence.

"Mrs. Parker assigned a book report today in class." Dave says without looking at me. His eyes are strained on the entrance to the bookstore.

"Oookay?" I raise an eyebrow.

"She assigned it to all of her classes." I just stare at the side of his face. "Sugar takes her class third period. I'm pretty sure she's going to come here to get new book for the report."

"Did my brother tell you to start stalking her?" I whisper.

"What? No!" Dave looks at me now. "He said be cool and gave me these…" Dave reaches into his pocket and pulls out some aviator sunglasses.

"Seriously?" I try to hold in my laugh. Dave puts the sunglasses on and beams that enthusiastic smile at me.

"How do I look?" I don't get to tell him how ridicules he looks before the Bookstore door opens and Sugar walks in. "Okay. Okay." Dave stands on shaky legs. "Wish me luck."

"Whoa…" I grab his arm to stop him from walking over to Sugar. "Take those off. There is no sun in here." I snatch the glasses off his face. "What are you doing?"

"Noah said that I should just be cool, calm and collective. He said I should just walk up to her and asks her out." Dave says while glancing for me to the table that Sugar is now sitting at. "He said you should never fear rejection. You'll never get a yes or a no if you don't try." Dave nods when he finishes.

"Okay." I nod my head in Sugars direction. "As you were…"

I hold my breath as Dave walks over to the table. Sugar looks up and smiles. She nods after a minute and Dave takes a seat at the table with her.

"Damn." I sigh.

$%^&*(*&^

When Dave came back over to finish helping me organize some books, he told me Sugar had agreed to go on a date with him next Tuesday. That was the only time she would be available. He spent the rest of our shift smiling and being his happy self.

"Rachel should be here soon." Dave says getting his book bag and other belonging together. "I can't wait to tell her about Sugar."

"What about Sugar?" My head whips around when Rachel's voice comes out of nowhere. She's standing behind me, looking over my shoulder at Dave who is moving around in Ms. Pillsbury's office.

"I have date!" Dave grins. "Where is my notebook? You know the one with the basketballs all over it."

"I thought I saw it at the front desk." I tell him.

"Thanks, San!" I wheel myself out of the doorway, so Dave can leave the office.

"Oh my baby's growing up!" Rachel teases as he walks pass her.

"I'm not a baby." He pouts before walking off in search of his notebook.

"Hey," Rachel turns her attention to me.

"Hi." I give her a shy smile.

"I enjoyed dinner. Your family is wonderful." She compliments. I just smile at her. "Do I make you uncomfortable?" She asks after a minute of silence.

"What? No." I protest. "What makes you think that?"

"It's just…" She leans back against the wall next to the office door. "At home David talks about all the things you tech him and the great stories you tell him. And your family told me all these crazy things you've done and said…but when I try to talk to you, you get quiet." She explains. "I'm just trying to understand why you don't like talking to me."

"I…it's not." I sigh in frustration. "I'm sorry. You've done nothing wrong." I feel like my skin is burning under her gaze. She has a intense stare. "I'm just shy around new people."

"Well…I guess we'll just have to spend more time together." Rachel pushes off of the wall. "I want to move from the "new people" category into the "friend" category, okay?"

"Uh…yeah." I nod slowly.

"Great! See you tomorrow."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Whoa…when did this happen?" Quinn's eyes wonder around my room.

Yesterday I had my dad carry me upstairs so I could go through something's in my old room. I brought down a bunch of old posters, trophies, and a couple of pictures of my family down to my new bedroom. The photo's I brought to my room were ones taking by mom, brother or friends. Any photo that I had a part of creating stayed up in my room. It's just too hard to look at my work sometimes…most of the time.

"Yesterday." I push my body up with my arm muscles. I'm currently on my bedroom floor. Sometimes I get tired of sitting in my wheelchair or on the bed. So when the feeling hits me, I get on the floor and just lay there or exercise my arms.

"Well it looks amazing." Quinn walks over to my dresser and picks up a picture of her and me from when we were in college and she came to visit me.

"Thanks." I say, breathing a little harder. I just pushed myself up into my wheelchair. "You ready to go?"

It's an early Monday morning and Quinn and I are having breakfast with mom like we do every Monday.

"Um…yeah."

#%^&*(*&^

"What?" I frown at the blonde sitting across from me. We've been in the café for not even three minutes. My mom went to the restroom while Quinn and I found a place to sit.

"I didn't say anything." Quinn says playing with the napkin holder.

"But you want to?" I frown at the guys sitting at the table a couple of tables behind our table. I have a clear view of him over Quinn's shoulder. He sees me looking and looks away. "You're biting your lip." Quinn frowns, releasing her lip from between her teeth.

"It's nothing….I just…" Quinn lets out a deep sigh. "Rachel's going to be joining us." She rushes out. "I…Mom asked me not tell you. She wanted it to be a surprise but…well I know you hate surprises."

"Rachel…a surprise…what? Why?" I asked confused.

"I don't know…mom invited her." Quinn shrugs. "Stop frowning. Here they come." I look over my shoulder to see a smiling Rachel being lead over to our table by my mom.

Since that day that Rachel told me she wanted to be my friend, Rachel makes sure she comes into the bookstore to say hi whenever she knows I'm there. She also made me some more cookies. When I asked why she made them she said she just wanted to do something nice for her friend.

Other than our interaction at the bookstore, Rachel and I haven't really spoken outside of that. Quinn keep insisting that I stop being lame and asks her for her phone number. I want to but I just can't seem to get the courage to do so.

"Look at who I invited to breakfast!" My mom says in her chipper, morning voice.

"Good morning, ladies!"Rachel looks from Quinn to me before taking the empty chair across from my mom.

"Hey," Quinn and I greet Rachel with smiles. "How are you?" Quinn asks Rachel.

"I'm doing wonderful this morning. How about you?" Quinn tells Rachel about how my brother turned off her alarm clock and almost made her late.

"Good morning, my favorite ladies!" Anthony walks up to our table. He usually serves us when we come to this café for breakfast. "Oh you guys have a guess." He grins and introduces himself to Rachel.

"How's Dave?" My mom asks Rachel after Anthony takes our orders. "Santana told us his date went well. Does he have a little girlfriend now?"

"He's great!" Rachel beams. She goes on to tell my mom about the first date Dave took Sugar on. She tells them that the kids are just dating now and they went to the movies this past weekend.

"How's everything at the bookstore?" Rachel smiles over at me.

I know Rachel is just asking the question to bring me into the conversation. But I don't like the question. I know it's the only thing she probably feel confident in asking me since she doesn't know much about me. It's her way of starting up a conversation with me…but it just reminds me that I really don't have that much going on in my life but the bookstore. I'm there five days a week, eight hours a day. I spend most of my time surrounded by books or mopping around at my house.

That's not her fought but I can't stop from being upset about the question.

"Fine." Rachel stares at me like she's waiting on me to say something more. "Dave is always fun to work with." I add for her benefit.

"Yeah, he says Ms. Pillsbury thinks you guys do your best work when working together."

"I guess."

Rachel doesn't try to make conversation with me for the rest of breakfast. I think she sensed that I didn't really want to talk.

"I want you to apologize to Rachel before she leaves." My mom says once Quinn and Rachel has walked away to take care of our bills.

"For?" I roll my eyes.

"You were rude, Santana. She was only trying to be friendly and you barely said three sentences to the girl. Apologize."

"Mom…" I pout.

"Now Santana." And then she walks away.

Once everyone gets outside, Rachel tells my mom she'll see her at the University and hugs Quinn goodbye. When they break the hug my mom grabs Quinn arm and basically drags her to the van, leaving me with Rachel.

"I guess I'll see you later?" Rachel turns to me.

"Um yeah." I nod.

"Good." Rachel smile and turns to leave.

"Rachel?" I clear my throat. "I want to apologize about my behavior during breakfast. It had nothing to do with you."

"It's fine. You're not a morning person. What can you do?" She shrugs.

"It's not…well you're right, I'm not a morning person." My lips curl up into a smile. "But it was more than that. I'm just…" I look away.

"Santana…its fine. Really. I enjoyed breakfast and if it's okay with you… I would like to attend another one with you guys."

"Yeah…sure." I look back at her.

"Okay." Another smile comes my way. "Later."

%^&*^%$%^

Rachel didn't come into the bookstore yesterday evening when she picked up Dave. She had texted him and he went outside to the car to meet her. I told Quinn that I think I made her uncomfortable at breakfast and that Rachel will probably start ignoring me. Quinn reminded me that Rachel asked to have breakfast with us again and just was probably was in a hurry.

"Do you think Noah can change the flat tire on my bike? Sugar wants to go bike riding this coming weekend." Dave flops down in Ms. Pillsbury desk. Rachel called him a few minutes ago and said she was on her way, so we came into 's office to get his stuff.

I'm really hoping she comes in to say hi today.

"Sure. I'll ask him about it tonight." I wheel myself up to the desk, reaching down to put the break on my chair so I don't roll back.

"Thanks!" Dave beams. "Noah is so cool."

"Hey, what about me?" I act offended.

"Oh…you're awesome! Next to Rachel, you're my favorite person." Dave nods.

"Well thanks…your one of my fave people too." I smile back at him.

"Hey guys?" I hear from behind. Rachel pats my shoulder before walking around the desk to pull Dave into a hug. "Good day?"

"Very." He smiles and pulls out of the hug to grab his stuff.

"How about you?" Rachel looks over at me. "Good day?"

"Yeah. It's been good." I say honestly. I still have to go to group therapy tonight. But so far it's been good.

"I'm glad."Dave rushes out of the door saying something about having to ask Ms. Pillsbury a question.

Rachel and I just stay in the office, staring at each other.

"Can I have your number?" I blurt out. A blush creeps its way onto my face. I look away from Rachel's smiling face with embarrassment.

"Give me your phone." Rachel walks around the desk. I take out my phone without looking at her. With my eyes still locked on the back wall of the office, I give my phone over to her.

"Here" She thrust the phone into my line of vision after a minute of having it. I reach up to grab it but she snatches her hand back. "Look at me."

"What?" I frown at the wall.

"Look at me." I take a deep breath before looking at Rachel who is standing right next to my chair. My eyes travel up her little body until they land on her eyes. "Here you go." She says in a cheerful voice. Smile still on her face.

"Thanks."Rachel rolls her eyes and pats my shoulder again.

"Talk to you later, Santana."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Growing up my brother and I never really watched that much television. In fact, until Noah had reached the age of thirteen, we only got to watch TV on Fridays and when special programs was on. When Noah had turned thirteen he through the biggest hissy fit, constantly complained about how all the other kids was watching cool shows. He told our father that he was stopping us from being current. He argued that it would make us not be able to socialize with our peers the way we should.

After that our parents agreed to let us watch television shows that they had to approve of first. Noah and I were glued to the living room couch or floor for a month after giving that privilege. Our obsession with TV didn't last that long though. I was still attracted to books more than film and Noah and I shared a love for team activates. We joined clubs and sports team as soon as we got to high school. Watching TV became that thing we did as a family again, on Friday nights or when special programs aired like the Charlie Brown holiday episodes. Even throughout college in Boston, I rarely had watched TV. I was engrossed with my studies or with the waitressing job I had for like three months.

It wasn't until two months of being told that I would never walk again that I had actually watched TV for more than four hours in a week. For months after my accident all I did was watch TV or sleep. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to read because than I would only be left with my thought when I wasn't making images in my head to go with what I had read. The TV provided a distraction…an escape of sorts.

While I am getting better with being alone with my thoughts, I still have those days that I just stare at the TV for hours upon hours. Last week Artie has started raving about a show called _The Walking Dead_. He said it was a great show about zombies, survival and just a bunch of other stuff. A couple of days ago, while channel surfing, I ran across the show and watched an episode. I thought it was pretty good so I started to watch whatever episodes t hey aired that week.

Now I find myself back at home in the living room with Artie and Quinn having a _Walking Dead_ marathon. Earlier today, Artie has mentioned that he had never seen the first season, so I invited him over after looking up the show on Netflix. We were two episodes into season one when Quinn and Noah came over for dinner. Quinn joined us in watching the show while Noah went out back where my dad is working on his car.

"…Santana have yo…"

"Shush." Quinn points two fingers at her eyes and then at the TV. When I look over to the left, my dad looks startled. He looks over his shoulder like he expects to find someone behind him. Like Quinn couldn't have shushed him.

"Did she just…"

"Dad." I cut him off. I try not to laugh as I see his eyebrows crawl up his forehead.

He starts to open his mouth again but my mom walks into the room. I watch as she starts to pull him back towards the kitchen.

"Oh let them be." She pats his back. "My baby is happy. Leave her alone for a little…"Her voice trails off as she turns into the kitchen.

I suck in a breath and turn my attention back to the TV. This show is seriously like watching a movie.

^&*&^%^&*(

"So let me get this straight…" We are now outside on the back porch watching my dad and brother play a little one on one basketball. Mines and Artie's wheelchairs are parked right next to each others, while Quinn sits on the first step of the porch. "She gave you her number and you haven't texted her yet? Come on, San. You're never going to get the girl being scared."

"I agree. Why haven't you called?"Quinn adds.

Rachel gave me her phone number yesterday. I haven't called or texted her yet. What makes it even worse is that I didn't go to work today because I had a doctor's appointment. If I would have gone to work, I would have at least been able to see how she felt about me not contacting her when she came to pick up Dave.

"I…I don't even know if she likes me like that." I defend myself. "And what am I even going to talk about? I have no reason to text or call her."

"Dude…stop making excuses and grow some balls." Quinn and I just stare at him. "Or not." Arties laughs at our faces. "Look, I'm sure there is something you guys can talk about."

"Dave." Quinn looks at Noah and dad laughing as Noah air balls. "Ask her when's a good time this week for Noah to fix Dave's bike."

"There you go." Arties grins and unlocks the breaks on his chair. "And I have to go. Thanks for dinner."

Quinn gets up and follows Artie. She's mostly making sure he gets into his car and everything okay. Five minutes later she comes back out and stands next to my chair.

"So?"

"So…I'll call tomorrow or something."

$%^&*(*^&%

"Do you need anything before I go to bed?" I watch silently as my mom walks around my room, moving thing back into their rightful place. Or into the places she thinks they belong.

"I'm good." I lean back into the pillows propped up behind me.

"Okay, hunny." She walks over to my bed and kisses my forehead. "Wake me if you need anything." She starts to pull away but I grab her hand. "What's wrong?" Her eyes widen, she look more awake.

"Nothing," My eyes rake over her face. I remember what she said when she got my dad from the living room. "Thank you."

"Oh…San." Her eyes get watery. She knows that I'm thanking her for more than just tonight, but for my life. For being my mom. For being a great mom.

Since the accident I haven't always been the greatest person to be around. I have my moods. I get depressed often and sometimes my anger gets misplaced. But no matter what my mom has always been there. My whole life she's always been there. Never judging me. She didn't blink an eye during my senior year of high school when I told her I was gay.

Sometimes I forget that she's fighting this battle with me. I know it hurts her when I don't feel like getting out of bed or when I push her away because I'm having a bad day. She's my mom and it hurts her to know that some stuff she can't help me with.

Some stuff I have to figure out for myself.

And she understands that.

That's why I most make sure I let her know that I appreciate her and everything she does do for me.

"I love you." She presses another kiss to my head. "I'm just happy that you're doing better."

%^&*&^%$%

"Be careful?" I'm currently looking up at Dave as he stands on a ladder, putting some books on the top shelve.

"Done. Is that all of them?" Dave beams down at me. I look at the push cart that held the books we needed to put up. It's empty.

"That's it." I watch Dave closely as he climbs down. I sigh in relief when both his feet are firmly on the ground.

"Hey, guys." It seems like Rachel comes out of nowhere. She walks around the shelve Dave just got done restocking.

"It's time to go already?" Dave frowns when he sees his sister. I look at my watch and see that she's two hours early.

"I talked to Ms. Pillsbury. I need for you to come home early today, buddy." Rachel motions for him to come closer. When Dave is close enough she whispers in his ear. Dave frowns but nods and head off towards Ms. Pillsbury office.

"Everything okay?" I ask confused.

"My dad had a little accident. The neighbor is watching him right now. I needed to get David before I go home. I wouldn't be able to get back out tonight."

"You're dad?" This is the first time either one of them has ever mention a parent. "Is he okay?" I ask concerned.

"He will be." She sighs. "My neighbor assured me he was okay. I just don't want him to be alone anymore today."

"Oh. Okay." I watch as Rachel leans on the book shelve next to her.

"Will you call in check on us later? You know, see how my dad is?"She smirks. "You do remember that you have my number, right?"

"Um…yeah." I swallow and look down at my lap.

"Okay…call me."

$^&*()(*##$

I haven't been so nervous in my life to call a girl before. Before the accident I use to act so sly. If I wanted to talk to a girl I just did. I did so as if there was no possible way for them to turn me down. At times I was a bit cocky.

But now as I sit in the recliner in my room with Rachel's name across my screen, I feel nothing but nervous.

_Just do it. _

After giving myself a little prep talk, I finally hit the call button.

"Hello?" After three rings Rachel voice sounds through the phone.

"Uh…hey." I slap myself upside the head. I sound like an idiot. "It's um, Santana."

"Hey!" Rachel giggles. "How are you?"

"I thought I was calling to ask how you are doing." I try to play it cool. "I'm good. How's everything on your end?"

"It's fine. My dad's asleep and David's on the phone with Sugar." Rachel voice sounds relaxed.

"Good. Yeah...um cool." I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't know what I should say now. "So…"

"Did you ever get around to asking your brother about fixing David's bike? He's really excited about spending time with Sugar this weekend."

"Oh yeah. I did." I clear my throat. "Noah said he'd fix it Friday."

"Great!" I can hear the smile in Rachel's voice. "How was your day? I'm sorry I had to steal David away so early."

"Hey…don't worry about it. While I missed his company, the bookstore was fairly slow today. My day went well." I ease her worries. "How was your day?"

"Eventful. Our budget for the next play the University is putting on was cut…again." Rachel sighs. "The arts are always taking a hit. But it'll all work out." She sounds back hopeful. "Then the thing with my dad…that was another bump in my day."

I want to ask her more about their parents but I'm afraid she's going to tell me that it's none of my business. I mean, if she or Dave wanted me to know, I would have known by now, right? I guess I'll just have to wait.

"But it just got better about…" She pauses. "Ten minutes ago."

"What happened ten minutes ago?" I inquire when she doesn't elaborate.

"You finally called me."

Oh my…I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. I think Rachel is trying to kill me. She's always saying things like that. Things the lead me to believe that she's into me, but also sound like things she might say to friends all the time. I haven't seen her interact with other friends, so I have no idea if she's so vague with them as well.

Rachel's voices snap me out of my thoughts. She just asked me a question but I missed it.

"I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?" Rachel giggles.

"I asked if you liked plays? Musicals?"

"Um…" Should I tell her that I've seen her in that play _Enchanted_ or should I not?

"It's okay if you don't. I won't be mad. Just disappointed." She teases.

"They're okay, I guess." I tell her honestly. "I've been to a few plays. I'm not the biggest fan of musicals but I don't hate them either."

"Okay." She says quietly.

"You were great in Enchanted. My friend Artie took me to see it." I blurt out. "You're a great actress."

"Thanks!" Rachel laughs. "I really enjoyed that part. I'm glad you liked it."

The line goes silent after that. I don't know what to say. Ugh…I always feel unsure with her.

"Well…it's getting late. I still have to pry the phone away from David's hands…" She laughs. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good night, Santana."

"Good night, Rachel."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"I really love this," I look over to the mantel piece where Rachel is standing; she has a framed photo of Noah and Quinn in her hand. The picture is of them sitting on the porch swing, gazing at each other with lazy smiles on their faces. I've noticed that every time Rachel comes over, she looks at the same picture.

"Yeah, it's nice."

A couple of hours ago she brought Dave over so Noah can fix up his bike. Rachel and Dave had dinner with us. It was just my parents, Noah and Dave and Rachel. Quinn had to work late. After dinner Dave and Noah headed to the garage, my dad's in his study and mom is cleaning the kitchen. So that leaves Rachel and me sitting around in the living room.

It's only been a couple of days since I talked to her on the phone. Since then I've seen her when she would pick up Dave from the bookstore.

"So Boston?" Rachel turns her attention to me. She smiles and walks over and sits on the end of the couch closes to me. My chair is parked right next to the couch. "You went to school for photography?"

"No." I shake my head.

"No?"

Rachel's not catching on that this is a topic I wish not to discuss. Or maybe she knows but just doesn't care. I haven't known her long but I can defiantly see her being a little pushy. I haven't really talked about life in Boston since I've been back home. I had a whole other life in Boston. I could walk in Boston. Boston also took that function away from me.

My schooling in Boston wouldn't even be up for discussion if my mom wouldn't have brought it up at dinner. My mom had just brought up Boston when my dad's phone started going off and the topic was changed. It was forgotten, or at least I thought it was.

"Architect."

"Oh…well that's very artistic as well." Rachel smiles, "You just seem to be busting with talent."

"I could never do what you do though." I say in reference to her relationship with theater.

"Never say never!" She says it with that beaming smile. "Tell me more about Boston. How was school?"

"It was…." I want to stop but then I look at Rachel's face. She looks so interested in hearing what I have to say. Her arms are up on the arm rest and her head is in her hands, eyes strained on me. "I've always been a bit of a nerd. I loved going to classes and every now and then I'd let my hair down and go out in get into some crazy stuff with my peers. College truly was some of the best years of my life."

"I agree. Right after I graduated I moved to New York." She gets this far away look on her face. "Good times." Rachel sighs then look back to me. "So you've just always had a good eye? I mean the photos around here are amazing."

"I took some classes."

"Did…"Rachel starts to ask another question, but gets cut off by my mom's voice yelling for Noah and Dave to stop running in the house. At the same time Noah runs through the living room with Dave following behind. Rachel and I both laugh while watching them run out the front door.

"Seriously, your brother is like a big kid." My mom says coming into the living room.

Soon Rachel and my mom get caught up in a conversation about working at the University and cooking and other little things they have in common. Every now and then I comment on something they are discussing. Every few minutes I catch Rachel glancing at me. Sometimes when I catch her she'll blush and turn her head away to focuses back on my mom and other times she'll keep eye contact.

An hour later, Noah puts Dave fixed Bike into the back seat of Rachel's car and everyone says their goodnights.

"Rachel's a nice girl," My mom says pushing my chair up the ramp Noah had built for me. "You should ask her out."

"Mom!"

"What?" She laughs. "I'm just saying."

$%^&*(*&^%

_Rachel: I'm bored._

_Santana: Ok?_

_Rachel: Entertain me._

_Rachel: Please._

I laugh when I read Rachel's text message. Every since she left last night, she's been texting me. I mean… she texted me good night and then all day I've been getting random messages from her. You would think a gorgeous girl like her would have more to do on a Saturday then text me.

I don't know what to tell her, so I just tell her to read a book. That's what I do when I get bored. I like books. Apparently Rachel doesn't like that answer because she sends me a sad face back. I'm looking down at the screen of my phone trying to think of something to say back when I start to get an incoming call. It's Rachel.

"Hello?"

"Will you go to the park with me?" Rachel says without even greeting me properly.

"Um…"

"Please. Dave is out with Sandy and my dad is asleep." Rachel pleads.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Rachel asks excitedly. "I'll pick you up in thirty minutes? Is that enough time?"

I agree and we say goodbye.

$%^&*(*&

Rachel and I have been at the park for about forty five minutes. She's been asking me about the bookstore and what my favorite books are. We've also talked about her life in New York and some of the plays she's been in.

"You have a beautiful smile." The words are out of my mouth before I know it. I guess I was just caught up in the moment. Everything is so peaceful and calm. There's something about Rachel that just makes you want to open up. Or at least it makes me want to open up. I mean she got me to talk about Boston, even if it was a little. She's still got me to talk about something that I was trying so hard to avoid bring up.

"Thank you." Rachel blushes. The crazy thing about Rachel is that she doesn't do what most girls do and break eye contact, she stares instead. "Do you like Museums?"

"Um…yeah." I grin. "I love them!"

"Great. There's going to be a show at the Museum on Turner St. next Friday." Rachel leans forward. "Will you be my date?"

"Your date?" I chock out.

"Yes." Rachel nods.

"Rachel…." I feel like a wall is caving in on me even though we are outside in the open. "I…um…" I get saved from answering because her phone rings. Its Dave asking for her to pick him up from Sugars house. Rachel tells me she'll drop me off before she picks her little brother up. I'm sure Dave will love the extra time with Sugar.

Rachel helps me back into her car and we drive to my house in silence.

**TBC**

**A/N: So I know you guys probably hate me or at least was cursing me for not updating for so long. I apologize. I had a little bit of writers block with this story. But know I have some idea of where I am taking it so…yea. **

**Thanks all you lovely people who have read, subscribed or reviewed this story. You guys are awesome!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Hey, San?"

I look up from the magazine I was flipping through to see an excited Dave sitting across from me.

"What's up, kid?"

"Well…there's a school dance coming up…" I put my hands up, cutting Dave off.

"Dave, buddy, I'm too old for you. Plus," I pat my legs. "I can't shake it like I use to. But thanks. I'm flattered." Dave stares at me for a few seconds before snorting with laughter.

"Nice one, San." He giggles, straightening back up. "If didn't have Sugar, I would defiantly be heartbroken if I couldn't take you to the dance."

"Aww. Tear." I pretend to wipe a tear from under my eye.

"Anyway…So I want to take Sugar to the dance."

"Um...okay?" I'm confused. I thought that Dave and Sugar have been made their relationship official. So of course he would be taking Sugar to the dance. "So what's the problem?"

"I don't know how to ask her."I frown again. "I want it to be exciting and…and romantic." I can't help but roll my eye, smiling at the same time. This kid.

"Why? She's your girlfriend. Isn't there some unspoken rule that you go to these things together?" I don't remember any guy or girl that I had been with making some big romantic plans to ask me to a dance. We would just see a flyer and asks if the other person wanted to go or skip it. That's it.

"Rachel said you shouldn't just assume anything." Dave starts with a very serious look on his face. "She said asking Sugar in a more romantic way would make it special. Rachel said girls like things like that."

"Oh" I smile. "Well, I'm not good at stuff like that. Maybe you should ask Rachel what to do. It seems like she has better advice about things like that."

"I will." Dave pauses and gets a thoughtful look on his face. "You think Noah would have a good idea?"

"No." I didn't even have to think about that question at all. "Noah was always good with getting the girls. Not keeping them."

"What about Quinn? She married him." Dave frowns.

"Quinn's just confused. She'll get over him soon." I joke. "No but seriously…I think Q's the only girl he didn't run off." They both laugh.

#$%^&*(&^%$

_Rachel: What are you doing right now? Are you at home?_

I read the text message. Rachel hadn't text me all day. I mean…I seen her earlier when she came to pick up Dave. We chatted for a couple of minutes while Dave got his stuff together to leave. I just think it's weird how this is the first message I've gotten from her all day. Every since our day in the park together, Rachel has been texting me every day. We talk about random stuff or how our day went. Nothing too serious. Rachel hasn't brought up the museum again. I think she took my hesitancy for a no to her question. But a part of me believes she didn't. Dave said Rachel doesn't believe in assuming, so I'm just waiting for her to bring it back up.

Rachel even attended Monday breakfast with me, Quinn and my mom. She didn't act different towards me in any kind of way. It's kind of freaking me out. I mean…if she became distant then I would at least know how she felt. But she doesn't do anything differently. Just the same bubbly personality.

_Santana: I'm at home watching TV with my dad._

I respond to her message before sitting my phone on my lap. I look back at the TV and Snooki is falling down drunk. My dad is in tears laughing. It makes me smile. Jersey Shore is my dad's guilty pleasure. We always watch this show together.

"Well," My dad turns to me when the show is over. "Let me go do the dishes before your mom makes me sleep on the couch tonight." He pats my shoulder when he walks by.

I start to watch the next show that comes on but then I start to wonder why Rachel hasn't texted me back. I look down at my lap and see my phone. I pick it up and see that I have four missed messages and a missed phone call. All from Rachel.

I look at the time of the missed call and see it's from two minutes ago. I sigh. I didn't feel my phone vibrate because it was sitting on my left leg. My leg that I cannot feel.

I let out a frustrated sigh and check my missed text.

_Rachel: That sounds fun. Daughter and father time_

_Rachel: What time does your program end? Do you think I can stop by?_

_Rachel: Santana?_

_Rachel: Hey I know you haven't answered but I'm coming over anyway. I'll be there in ten._

After reading the last text message she sent, I pocket my cell phone. I push myself up using my arms and transfer my body back into my wheelchair. After unlocking my chair, I wheel myself to the front door. I roll onto the front porch. I watch as Rachel walks up the sidewalk leading to my house.

Once she gets onto the porch she grins down at me. "Hi."

"Hey." I say quietly. "What are you doing here so late?" Not that I'm not happy to see her but it is almost ten at night.

"I just really wanted to see you. And give you these…" I'm just now realizing she had her right hand behind her back this whole time. When her hand comes out of hiding, she presents a bouquet of flowers.

"What…" My mouth goes dry. "Rachel…what are these for?"

"You don't like them?" Rachel's voice sounds unusually uncertain.

"No!" I try to get my thought together. "I…I like them. You're sweet. Thank you." That huge smile I'm use to covers her face once more.

"Good." Rachel walks over and sits on the porch swing. I will myself over to her.

"So…" I break into the silence. We've just been staring at each other for the past two minutes.

"The main reason I came over here was to invite you to the museum again." She grabs my right hand. "Come on, the museum is fun, educational and…and just…will you please go with me?"

"I…" Rachel shakes her head.

"Santana, may I be blunt?" My eyes go wide but I nod anyway. "I think you are smart, beautiful, mysterious, interesting, annoying, frustrating and scared…" She starts with a smile.

"Whoa…I thought you were trying to convince me to go with you?" I frown once her description takes a turn for the worst.

"I like you." She just blurts out. "And I think you like me too."

"You do?" I say ducking my head.

"Yea, I do." She says taking her free hand to push my chin up. "But I don't want to just assume." I chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Okay." She rolls her eyes. "So?"

"I guess I'll see you Friday."

**TBC**

**a/n: Ooooh a date! What do you guys think?**

**Thanks for reading, reviewing and subscribing. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee. :( **

Chapter 10

The only other time I felt so nervous about a date was when I was seventeen and I was going on my first date with a girl. I had been out for awhile at the time. Had my fair share of makeout sessions at the high school parties I did attend, and just fooled around with a couple of girls. But I had just to find a girl to date. Then I met Ashley Marks.

Ashley and I met at a party Noah had dragged me to during the end of my junior year. She was hiding away in a corner. I could tell she was uncomfortable and didn't want to be at the party just as much as I didn't want to. She was cute. Beautiful even. And who doesn't like beautiful girls? So I made my way over to her and started up a conversation about something random...I think it was about the amount of people at the party. Eventually Ashley and I went to sit outside and by the end of the night I had her number. 

The summer between my junior and senior year we spent getting to know each other. I learnt that Ashley loved to read just as me, played the piano and wanted to be a teacher when she grew up. If there is one thing I love more than a beautiful woman, is a smart woman.

The week before school started back I asked Ashley to go on a date with me. The night of the date I was freaking out. Quinn came over and helped get me ready and calm me down. Wasn't my nervous settled, the night turned out to be amazing.

The night before I began my last year of high school I asked Ashley Marks to be my girlfriend. We broke up before I left for college. She didn't think a long distance relationship would work.

Anyway…as I watch Quinn pull stuff out of my closet, I can't help but to think about Ashley and that night of our first date. And how Quinn always seems to be there to say or do just the right thing to get me moving in the right direction.

"I love you." Quinn stops and stares at me. "Don't look at me like that, Q."

"Are you okay?" She says moving over to my bed to lay out some shirts.

"Shut up. I felt like saying it, so I said it." I cross my arms over my chest.

"You're not canceling, Santana Lopez." Quinn says with a huff. "Rachel's a nice girl and…"

"I'm not canceling." I cut in.

"Then why are you being weird?" She frowns.

"I just…you're a good friend and…yea." I shrug.

Quinn's face breaks out into a smile. "Awww… I love you too." She claps once than throw a shirt at me. "Now let's get you dressed for your hot date tonight."

#$%^&*(

So far the night has been great. Rachel picked me up and we went to dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant. Apparently Rachel has been talking to Quinn and she mentioned that I really like the restaurant on Adams Street. Dinner was filled with light talk about work and Dave and the craziness that is my mom. Rachel always knew when I felt uncomfortable about certain topics. She would change them or make a joke and everything would be good again.

After that we went to the Museum. We looked at different kinds of arts. We both would give our opinions on pieces. Rachel knows quite a bit about art. But she wasn't one of those people who feel the need to tell you everything they know about a topic just to tell you or because they think it's impressive. She wasn't overbearing.

No.

I could listen to her talk about painting and figures all day long.

"Um…so…" I trail off when Rachel breaks out into a grin. "What?" We are on my porch now.

"It's just…" She shakes her head. "I don't know…you just make me smile."

"Oh." I blush and look away from her. When I look back over Rachel is sitting on the porch swing.

"See," She points at my face. "That was cute."

"Rachel." She's been complementing me all night. The girl has no problem with flirting.

"I had a great time tonight." I finally say something after we spend a few minutes in silence.

"Me too." Rachel reaches out, pulling my hand away from my arm rest. She takes it into hers and rests it on her lap. "So…you wouldn't be opposite to going on another date with me?"

"Well…um," For some reason the thought of another date or many more dates with Rachel scares me. "That was pretty forward."

Rachel squeezes my hand with a smile. "Well…you don't give me much. I feel like I have to be upfront with you. I mean, have I not been obvious with my intentions of courting you?"

"You have." I nod. "I just…why?" Rachel frowns when I ask that question. "Rachel…I have," I pause to think of the right word. "Baggage?" I nod my head. "Yeah…I have baggage."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Everyone has baggage, Santana." I scuff. What kind of baggage does someone like Rachel have? She seems so perfect. "Don't." Rachel shakes her head when I scuff. "You know…I never planned on moving back home. I loved living in New York. I had a life in New York." Rachel eyes leave mines to look down at our joined hands. "I had friends, I was getting acting jobs and I was just…I was in New York." She says in a dreamy voice. "That's all I wanted growing up. New York."

"So what happened?" I whisper. Rachel head slowly lifts to look at me. "Why did you move back in with you parents?"

"My dad got sick." She says quietly. "My dad got sick and my daddy couldn't manage everything on his own. He needed help and so…here I am."

"Daddy?"

"Yes. I was raised by two happily married man."

"Okay. Cool."

"Cool?" Rachel smiles. "You don't have any questions?"

"Should I?"Rachel smile widens even more.

"Anyway…" She sighs. "My point is...I'm not in New York anymore. I've had to change my whole life. And while I have a nice life here, I still haven't let go of New York." Rachel stands runs her thumb over the back of my hand. "I want to get to know you better. So next Friday we'll go on another date, right?"

I've never met anyone like Rachel. Confident but cautious. Demanding but soft. It's like she's not afraid to put all of her eggs into one basketball. She seems to be the type who knows that life can be full with disappointments but full of good things as well.

And I'm so drawn to everything about her.

Maybe it's about time that I try having a little faith and stop being afraid of letting someone love me.

The new me.

"Only if I can be the one to treat you to a night out."

Rachel beams at me. "Deal."

**TBC**

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	11. Chapter 11

"….and she's just like…so freaking perfect." I gush out.

Artie and I are at a restaurant not to far from my house. We came here right after our group meeting. I haven't hung out with him for like a week, so we decided to grab something to eat tonight. And since we've gotten here I've told him all about Rachel and everything that's going on between her and me.

"Awwww….this is so cute!" Artie grins at me from across the table. "You're glowing."

"Ugh…hush with that talk." I reach out to smack his hand. "You make it sound like I'm pregnant." We laugh.

"Or in looooove." He sings.

I roll my eyes and pick up my fork to poke at the food on my plate. "I'm not in love. I haven't even known her that long." A shy smile fights its way onto my face. "But…I do really like her."

Over the last couple of weeks, Rachel and I have been spending more time getting to know each other. Sometimes we talk on the phone after I get off of work, we text throughout the day, and we've been on two more dates since the first one.

Not only is Rachel beautiful but she's incredibly smart funny, optimistic and she's also patient. And patience is something I need a lot of in my life right now.

"I'm happy for you." Arties says seriously. "Rachel seems good for you. This is the most you've smiled since I've met you."

"She is…I just…she's nice and…"

"Okay, okay gosh!" Arties playful throw up his arms. "Enough with the girlfriend talk. I hope I didn't sound like that when Britt and I first got together."

"No." I shake my head with a laugh. "You were worse and you still sound like a love struck puppy when you talk about her."

"So" He shrugs. "She's my girl."

$%^UIUY$%

It's now Friday and Rachel and Dave have come over for dinner. This is the first dinner the siblings have been to since Rachel and I have started…dating? Yeah, we're dating.

The only reason why I'm not nerves or scared that my mom is going to embarrass me is because Rachel still has been coming to dinner with my mom, Quinn and I. My mom knows that Rachel and I have been going out. If us holding hands while we are all out at breakfast didn't alert her, than the way I can't keep my eyes off of Rachel did. Rachel has also stopped over the house a few times to sit on the porch and chat with me. And I'm sure my mom has told her every embarrassing story there is to tell about my childhood.

During dinner, Quinn talks about one of her coworkers, Dave and Noah keep arguing like little kids about a basketball game, Rachel and my mom talk about baking, and dad and I talk about a new project he is working on at work. We all talk about things that happened during our week. And at the end of dinner Rachel invites my family over to her house for dinner with her dads. Before I know it my mom is agreeing that next Friday is perfect and then I'm given a stack of plates to take into the kitchen.

%^&^%^&

Rachel follows me into my room after dinner. I wheel myself over to my bed and use my arm strength to transfer myself from the chair to the bed.

Once I get into a comfortable position, I look back over to the door to see Rachel still leaning on my closed bedroom door, staring at me. "What?"A lazy smile appears on her face and she walks closer to me.

"Nothing." She sighs. "Look…I know I probably should have talked to you first before inviting your family over for dinner…but I really want you to meet my dads. And I knew if I just asked you then you would say no,"

"What happened to not making assumptions?" I question with a bored look on my face. Rachel just stares at me until I smile. "Okay…so you were right." I shrug. We both know I would have said no to her invite if she would have asked.

"Anyway…your family has been wonderful to David and me and…."

"It's okay." I breathe out. "I look forward to having dinner with your parents."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

Rachel squeals and then jumps onto my bed. She hugs me and then pulls back to peck my lips a couple of times.

Oh my freaking…this is the first time we've ever kissed. Well…this is the first time we've ever kissed on the mouth. There has been plenty of times we've done said goodnight and kissed the others cheek. But other than that…Rachel's lips have never touched mines.

I must say…I like the feel of her soft lips on mines.

"Thank you." She sighs, getting comfortable next to me on the bed.

"Um…no problem." I respond, blushing. "So…tell me more about New York."

Rachel spends the next ten minutes telling me about some crazy roommates she's had, her best friend Kurt, and some odd jobs she's had when she wasn't on stage.

"I'm so thankful for my job at the University. I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't at least be close to a stage." Rachel says in a dream like state. "Anyway," She shakes her head and focuses back on me. "Tell me more about your life in Boston."

"What about Boston? I thought I told you about Boston already."

"Noooooo." Rachel sighs. "You told me about your college life. What about the things you did when you weren't in school? What about friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, hobbies, clubs? "

I laugh when she says boyfriends. "I've only had one boyfriend and that was soooo long ago."

"Okay…so girls?"

I shrug. "There were a few."

"Ookay." Rachel shifts over in the bed. "You don't want to talk about it right now. I can accept that… for now."

"For now?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yes," She pushes my shoulder. "Is there something you would like to ask me?"

"Yes." I grab her hand. "But I don't want to ma…"

"Just asks."

"What's wrong with your dad? I mean, you said he's sick but…"

"He has Alzheimer's." My mouth goes dry when she says that. I don't know what to say. I don't think sorry is a good enough word. I know it won't make things better for her or her family. I know sorry didn't do anything for mines.

But I don't have to think on it for too long because she starts talking again. "He's been getting worse recently. My dad…I love him and," She shakes her head like she's trying to stop herself from saying something. "So…yeah, he has Alzheimer's."

Then we just sit in silence for a few minutes.

After that we just spend the next thirty minutes watching TV and joking with each other. When Rachel and Dave get ready to leave, I roll outside and down the driveway with them.

"Goodnight Mr. Lopez!" Dave calls to my dad once we get to Rachel's car. My dad smiles from the porch and waves back to Dave and Rachel. "Night, San." Dave bends down and hugs me before climbing into the passenger seat.

"Well," Rachel turns towards me. "Do you think it'll be okay if I kiss you even though your dad is standing there?" She asks with a teasing smile.

"You're worried about my dad? Shouldn't you be asking me if I want to even kiss you?" I smile to let her know I'm just joking.

"So you don't want a kiss?"

"I didn't say all of that." I grab her hand and pull her forward.

"That's what I thought." She smirks before leaning down and pressing her lips against mines. This time our lips stay connected for a longer time. We pull away from each other to smile before going back in for another kiss. This time we actually move our lips against each others.

"Ew…can you guys…like stop." When I pull away I see Dave's door open and his head peaking out. "You guys are grossing me out." Rachel and I just laugh. She pecks my lips one more time before getting into her car.

When I turn around to go back into the house, not only is my dad still standing on the porch, but my mom, Noah, and Quinn has joined him. I blush and roll myself up the ramp onto the porch.

"You guys are nosy." I frown.

"Aw Sanny, I'm so happy that you've found a nice girl." My mom pushes my brother out of the way so she can hug me.

"Yeah, about that," Noah starts. "How did you manage that, San? Rachel's hot." Quinn punches him in the arm. "What? You even said she was hot." He glares at his wife while rubbing his arm. "Anyway, she must not be all there if she's messing around with a loser like you." Noah teases.

I smile at my brother. We always talk stuff to each other. I always joke about how Quinn is going to wake up and realize that Noah is a bum and she should move on. It's all in fun though. I love my brother and Quinn and I love them together.

"Hey," Usually when we joke around our parents, mom is the one to say something to us, but this time our dad beats her to it. "Rachel is a great girl and she's lucky that our Santana is interested in her."

I look up and grin at my dad. Things have been getting better between us. We are talking more and spending more time together. And him saying that…that Rachel should be happy to have me in her life just as much as I am to have her…well it just makes me feel like he's proud of me.

Since my accident I've been feeling like somehow I let him down or something. He never said that but…I just had a feeling. But I'm glad to see that maybe that feeling was wrong.

**TBC**

**a/n: Hello again :) I bet you guys weren't expecting such a quick update, huh? Well…I was off of work today and have been procrastinating on finishing my school work for this quarter, so I thought I'd write another chapter of this story. **

**I know that I sometime take **_**forever**_** to update my stories but that's just because I write the chapters **_**literally **_**hours before they get posted. **_**Nothing**_** is written in advance. I just don't have time. I work, go to school, and spend a ridicules amount of time being bored with my friends and sometimes I find myself in a relationship with someone who needs attention lol So I apologize for not producing chapters as fast as you and I would like. Hopefully, this summer I can write more and bring a couple of my stories to an end this summer.**

**Once again….THANK YOU guys for reading, subscribing and reviewing this story and or any of my other stories. **

**Reviews make me smile. Please leave your thoughts.**

**THANKS!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee.**

**a/n: Hey guys! I just wanted to apologize for any confusion. I did not reupload chapter 11. I was trying to update my story "Something More" but I had accidently uploaded the chapter to this story. And once I was informed of my error, I deleted it from this story. So sorry if you thought I had updated the story or reuploaded chapter eleven.**

**Thanks again for reading, reviewing, and subscribing!**

Chapter 12

Rachel's room is exactly how I imagined it would be. She has Broadway and movie posters covering the walls. There is a board hung on the back of her door filled with motivation thoughts and quotes. Her desk is littered with everything from her work papers to nail polish.

Rachel's room is neat but messy. Like the bed and floor is clear and clean but her desk and her closet is a little unsorted.

Neat but messy.

It's Rachel.

"I think my daddy likes you." Rachel says interrupting my thoughts. She walks up to me and sits in my lap.

"What makes you think that?" I try to concentrate on the conversation and not on how uncomfortable I feel with her in my lap. Rachel's been doing that a lot this week. Sitting in my lap.

The first time she did it was Tuesday when she picked Dave up from the book store. She came in to the store and gave me a kiss on the cheek before taking it upon herself to get comfortable in my lap. She got up after a minute. I guess she felt my arms tense up or something. But that didn't stop her from doing it again the next day. Once again I tensed up and she got up. She knows that it makes me uncomfortable so I don't see why she would keep doing it.

"He told me." She says with a playful laugh.

"You are such a brat."

Today my family and I will be having dinner at Rachel's for the first time tonight. Rachel insisted that I came over early to meet her dads and hangout with her.

When we got to her house, Rachel's daddy Leroy greeted us at the door. Rachel introduced me as her girlfriend, which made me blush, and then walked me down the hall to the study, where I met Hiram, Rachel's dad.

For the most part Hiram seemed perfectly healthy. But then thirty minutes later while I was in the kitchen talking to Leroy, Hiram came into the room demanding to know who we where. Said we were strangers and he would call the police if we didn't get out of his house. I kept quiet while Rachel and her daddy calmed Hiram down.

They were so patient with him. Caring. I could really tell that it hurt them every time Hiram would forget who they are for those couple of minutes. Rachel said her dads are her biggest supporters and to have Hiram unable to cheer her on…well it really did affect her.

"…Oh gosh…dinner is going to be crazy with my daddy and your mom. I can see those two becoming best friends. What do you think?" Rachel taps the back of my neck. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yea." I pat her leg. "Could you…I…"

"Sure." Rachel kisses my cheek then stands up and moves to sit on her bed.

We spend the next couple of minutes in silence.

"I'm sorry." I sigh and focus on the Rent poster on the wall above her bed.

"Why are you apologizing?" I don't answer her. Instead I just keep looking at the poster. "Do you know why I keep sitting on your lap even thought I know it makes you uncomfortable?"My head snaps around to her, a silent sign for her to continue. "Because I waiting to see if you would actually say something."

"What do you mean?" I take the breaks off of my chair and roll over to her desk, searching for something else to focus on.

"I mean," Rachel gets up off the bed and comes to stand next to me. "You never want to talk about anything that concerns your legs or accident." I frown at her words.

"I thought you understood that I need time before talking about _that_."

"I do." Rachel sighs. "I just…if you don't like something that I say or do, tell me. I want you to feel comfortable around me." Rachel leans back against her desk. "Santana, I like everything about you." She reaches down and pats my left leg. "These legs…working or not, they are still apart of you and I like them. They've taken you places before and ran and jump places only you know. And I can't truly get to know you if you hide this part of you. You have to love this part of yourself too."

"Whoa," I awkwardly say between a fake laugh. "I didn't know we were going to get deep tonight."

"I just wanted to be honest with you." Rachel says with a small smile. "I like being close to you. I like sitting in your lap. I would like doing that even if you could walk. So I was just trying to figure out if you don't like it because you don't like people that close or because you can't actually feel me on your legs."

"I just…you're the first person outside of my family and group therapy that I've let this close." Rachel smiles at my words. "I'm still trying to learn how to live with…you know."

"I know." She leans forward and kisses my forehead. "I just want to help you. I know you help me."

"Do I?" I raise an eyebrow. What in the world could I be helping her with?

"Yeah," Rachel has a faraway look on her face. "You make me happy and I miss New York just a little less every time I'm around you."

I blush and look away.

"Hey," Rachel grabs my hand to get my attention. "What are you thinking?"

I shrug. "Just about how beautiful you are." This time she blushes.

Rachel's door bell rings before I can get another word out. I look at my watch. It's six thirty.

Rachel pecks my lips before moving to the door. "Show time!"

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Rachel's dads and my parents are got along just as great as Rachel believed they would. By the end of dinner Leroy and my mom had already swapped phone numbers and planned a lunch date to talk more about baking. Leroy, Dave, Noah and my dad all bonded over sports. Turns out Leroy is an all American guy. I believe there is no subject that he doesn't know the most part, Hiram was quiet. Every now and then he would speak when spoken too. I think t…

"Hey!" I brought out of my thoughts by Rachel. "What are you deep in thought about?" Rachel rests her hands on the top of my mom's van before pushing her head into the window. I'm sitting in the car waiting on my mom to finish asking Leroy about what kind of pie he likes or something like that.

Dinner was over about an hour ago. Noah and Quinn left about ten minutes ago and my dad and I have been sitting in the car for like five minutes waiting on my mom to finish chatting with Mr. Berry. Rachel walked out to the car with me and has been leaning against the van, talking to me and my dad until it's time for us to go.

"Tonight was good." I smile shyly at her.

"Yeah. It was good." She grins back at me. "I guess I can continue to date you since my dad's approves." Rachel teases.

"You wouldn't have gotten rid of me if they didn't." I tease right back.

Before Rachel can respond my mom walks up to the car and pats Rachel arm. They share a hug and before I know it, Rachel is wishing my parents a goodnight and leaning into the window so we can share one last kiss goodnight.

"Call me tomorrow?" Rachel asks, stepping back from the car.

"Sure thing."

#$%^&*&^%

Today is one of those days that I wish to just crawl back into bed and stay for a week. Everything seems to be going wrong.

It all started with a cup of coffee.

Coffee

It's a Monday so of course I went to breakfast with Quinn, Rachel and my mom. Breakfast was good. My mom talked about this new book club she started going to last week, Quinn talked about the vacation her and Noah is planning on taking this coming summer, and Rachel updated us about her play. The coffee didn't come until later.

After everyone paid their bill (me paying for Rachel's of course), we started to make our way outside. I was almost out of the door before some guy came out of nowhere. He was trying to push his way through the little crowed that was also leaving. Before I knew it, half of his coffee was in my lap. The sad thing about is I didn't know until my mom started yelling at the man. I wasn't looking his way when the coffee had spilt. I was in the middle of making plans to have lunch at the University with Rachel. When I heard my mom going off on the guy I turned to see what the fuss was about and saw her pointing at my legs. That's when I saw the dark liquid soaking through my jean covered legs.

Rachel had tried to use napkins to wipe some off but I snapped at her and told her to leave it. I was embarrassed. I was pissed at the jerk that spilt it on me. And I was angry at…just everything because I couldn't feel my legs.

These last couple of weeks had been going so well. Between working at the book store, hanging with my family and going on dates with Rachel, I hadn't had time to be depressed about my legs. I don't think I will every fully accept being paralyzed. But who knows? The point is…with constantly beings busy and being around people who knows and understand my situation, I haven't had time to feel anything but normal. I haven't felt helpless or like people are always looking at me….judging me.

But in that moment I did. I felt like everyone was staring at the girl that didn't even know that some hot coffee was running down her legs, the girl that couldn't stand up straight without some support, the girl that use to run track, the girl that was confined to a chair most of her day.

They were looking at me.

They were judging me.

And because I felt closed in and embarrassed I took it out on the people around me.

Mainly Rachel.

I told her to leave me alone when she tried to help me get cleaned up.

And later on when she texted me to ask if we were still having lunch together I told her no and then turned off my phone.

But the coffee was just the beginning.

Noah had borrowed the van when we got back to the house from breakfast. He needed it to move some stuff from his house into his office. His car isn't as spaces as the van.

I had to be at work at four and when three thirty came around Noah was nowhere to be found. I didn't make it to work until five thirty.

Miss Pillsbury understood. She knows that my mom's car is the only one wheel chair capable. My mom's van is the only vehicle that I can easily get myself in and out of. My mom couldn't use Noah's car to drop me off because she has back problems and it would have been too much to help get me in and out of the small car. My dad or Quinn wasn't around to help, so I was forced to wait on my brother to return.

That was another thing that my disability made difficult for me. I've always hated having to rely on someone to do something for me. But now that my legs don't work, I have to trust even strangers to help me out sometimes with the simplest things.

And because of coffee that I can't feel and cars that I can't drive, of legs that don't work, I'm having a terrible day.

Most people would think that those things are nothing compared to some of the things people face in their everyday life. And maybe they are right. Maybe there are plenty of things I could focus on. Like how I came out of the accident with my life.

But I can't.

Sometime I feel so trapped in myself and in my feelings that I start to push all the positive things in my life away.

I know that if I continue to act this way that I will ruin things with Rachel. I don't want to do that. I want to be good for her. I want to be everything she needs me to be.

I want to be able to share all these thoughts with her. But I can't right now.

I'm not ready.

So when I reach over to my night stand and see Rachel's name across the screen off my ringing phone, I hit ignore and turn the phone back off.

I hope that tomorrow I'll have the strength to stop focusing on the negative and embrace the positive.

But tonight as I lay in my bed, I can't do nothing but cry and miss my legs.

TBC

**I hope you all haven't giving up on this story because I haven't. Please review and let me know you guys are still there…**

**Thanks**


	14. Chapter 14

"…Santana." My eyes tiredly watch as my mom walks around to the other side of my bed. "All this laying around is not good for you. You are young. You should be up and active." I roll my eyes and turn my face away from her.

I have refused to get out of bed for the last couple of days. Yesterday I had to work at the book store but I called off. I still feel like shit and don't feel like facing the world today.

Almost every hour my mom comes into my room and gives me the same speech about how I'm young and I need to get out of this funk I'm in. the first day, she let it go, but after the start of my second day of not doing anything , I can't get her to leave me alone.

"Mom," I sigh. "I'm tired. I just…I need this time alone."I close my eyes with those words and pray that she'll leave me be.

"Rachel's a nice girl." My eyes pop back open but I don't look at her.

"What?" When did Rachel become part of this conversation?

"Rachel's a nice girl." My mom repeats while sitting down on my bed. "She's been calling these last few days to check up on you. You should call her back?" I groan. I don't need her giving me relationship advice too.

Maybe I should call Rachel back. No. I **should** call Rachel back. I haven't seen or spoken to her since the day we had breakfast with my mom and Quinn and I freaked out and have been in a depressed state every since.

Rachel's been calling, but I turned my phone off. My dad told me about the first time she called the house. But I thought after blowing that phone call off too, that she'd gave up trying to talk to me. But apparently not. She's been talking to my mom all this time.

"Dave also…"

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and bang my right fist on my mattress. "Please," I cry out. "Please stop…just stop, mom."

I don't want to hear about Dave.

I can't hear about how he has probably been worried about me or what kind of terrible friend I have been to him.

He's just another great person that I'm hurting.

I know that but I can't seem to stop.

"I need to be alone." I grit out. I tried being calm, but my frustration with my mother is growing and I'm trying to hold back from blowing up at her. "Please."

It takes a few minutes of silence between us before my mom takes in a deep breath and stands from my bed. I look over at her and she's staring at me. Without a word she leans down to kiss my forehead. "Love you." Is whispered against my skin before she leaves, closing the door behind her.

I hate being so withdrawn from her but a part of me can't help it. I know she worries every time I get like this. She worries that she'll lose me to my depression. And while I want to say that that'll never happen. I can't be too sure.

I don't see my mom again until dinner time.

Around seven in the evening she brings me a full plate of food. I haven't really been eating these last couple of days, but she never gives up hope that I will finish the whole plate.

"Bring your dishes to the sink when you are done." She instructs me. It's another way she's been trying to get me to leave my room. Leave my bed. But never happens.

I don't respond, so she just sets the plate and a glass of water on the nightstand next to my bed before leaving. I push myself up in bed, so I can sit up and pick at the plate of food.

There is a knock on my door a few minutes later, but before I can tell my mom to go away, the door is being pushed open.

Rachel steps into my bedroom. "Hi," Is whispered across the room as she leans back against the closed bedroom door.

"Um…" My throat goes dry and I look at the water sitting on my nightstand. "Hey?"

Rachel just smiles and looks down at her hands. "You should finish eating."

I look down at the plate that is resting on my lap and shake my head before looking back at her. "Are you hungry? I'm sure my mom made more than enough."

Rachel sighs and walks over to my bed and sits down by my feet. "It's been three days, Santana." She completely ignores my rambling about the food.

"I know. I'm sorry." I shove a spoonful of mash potatoes into my mouth to prolong having to explain myself further.

I expect Rachel to wait for me to swallow before pushing me for more answers to my behavior. But she doesn't. Instead she kicks off her shoes and moves to seat at the end of my bed Indian style.

"You know I hate talking about New York?" Rachel tilts her head. "Well…not hate. That's a little strong. But I do greatly dislike speaking about New York." Her words capture my attention so I nod my head and take another bite of my food. "I miss it. I miss the fast walking people, I miss the lights, I miss my hole in the wall apartment, I miss my grumpy old neighbor, I miss…I miss my friends." Rachel gets a faraway look in her eyes. "I miss the stage." She says the last part quietly.

Rachel lifts her head up and a smile dances its way across her face. "New York. All of those things I miss come crashing back whenever New York is mentioned. So I dislike talking about it because I'm trying to miss it a little less." Rachel reaches out her left hand and presses it against my leg. I can feel it of course but just looking at it hurts.

"I dislike talking about New York, but I'll share that with you." Rachel begins again. "For you…for you I'll tell stories about my crazy neighbors and ridiculous roommates. I'll do that because I like you. I trust you. I want you to know that part of me." Rachel pats my leg. "Because I love New York and I miss it and you should know that. I want you to know that."

When she's finished I just stare at her. She stares back.

"So," Rachel removes her hand from my leg. "…please talk to me." She sighs.

"Don't." I shake my head. "You can't compare New York to my legs, Rachel." She opens her mouth to respond but I keep speaking. "You can always go back to New York, Rachel. I can't ever walk again."

"I'm not comparing New York to your legs." Rachel sighs. "I'm not an idiot Santana."

"Then…"

"You can tell me anything. ANYTHING." Rachel closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I'm not asking for you to tell me about the accident or about how you feel about not being able to walk or anything that deep. I just want…eventually I want you to be able to tell me about your New York." I know she's referring to my legs. I get that. "But for now I'll settle for anything as long as you don't block me out."

"Rachel…"

"You said I was your girl, Santana." She moves onto her knees. "I want to be your girl." She moves to my side. "But I won't let you hurt me." Rachel shakes her head. "I won't take being ignored for days or treated like shit because you have issues. We all have issues. We all have a New York."

"I…"

"So…talk to me. Tell me that you want me to be your girl and mean it when you say it." Rachel kisses my cheek and climbs off the bed. "I have to go pick David up from Sugar's house. I'll talk to you later."

Before I can respond, Rachel is out of the door.

**TBC**

**a/n: I know I suck soooo bad. I just have been so busy with work and stuff. I'm sorry. You guys are awesome and I thank you guys for reading and sticking with this story or any of my stories. Thank you so much.**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Santana." Leroy Berry stares me down. It's early in the morning and I'm on his door step, a door step that leads to his daughter that I've been ignoring for the last few days. "How may I help you?"

"Um…is Rachel home?" I finally get out.

He stares me down a minute longer before sighing. "Come in."

Leroy helps me get my wheelchair over the threshold before he starts to walk off. "She's in her room." He calls over his shoulder.

I wheel myself down the hall towards her room. Rachel's bedroom door is half open when I finally get there. I knock on the door and wait until she calls for me to come in.

"Hey," Rachel is obviously shocked to see me. She moves her laptop off of her legs and stands next to her bed. "Hi. Are you okay?"

I nod. "I came to apologize." I roll closer to her and she sits on the bed. "You've been great from the beginning and I…I suck."

"You do not." I shake my head.

"I do." I disagree. "I was embarrassed about what happened at breakfast. I went from embarrassed to angry, from angry to just sad and sorry for myself."

"You had nothing to be embarrassed about." Rachel shakes her head.

"You…I want to believe that but it's hard. Stuff like that happens to me and I can't do anything about it." I try to explain things from my point view. "I can't just walk away from things like that. People look at me with pity. They just see some girl in a chair."

I don't think anyone will ever understand that feeling of hopelessness, of being powerless, unless they are in that position. I have so many feeling going on all at once and I just suck at figuring out what to do with them.

"Why does their opinion matter? The people who know and love you doesn't care about things like that. We just want to help and support you."

"I know." I nod. "I know but…it doesn't change the way I feel."

"Okay." Rachel sighs.

"I just…I know I go about things in the wrong way." I continue my apology. "I push people away and act like a bitch and I'm sorry for that. I really am." I reach over and grab her hand. "You are my girl and I want to tell you about what happened and all the feelings I have about it but it's going to take me some time to get to that place."

Rachel smiles and squeezes my hand. "I understand."

"Do you accept my apology? Can we move on?"

Rachel shrugs. "You're on probation." She giggles and leans over to kiss my cheek. "Stay and hang out for the rest of the day?"

"I'd love to."

#%##%^#$%^^

Dave was upset yet happy to see me when he came home from school. I only know this from his facial expression. It's almost dinner time and he has yet to say a word to me. He has watched a couple of movies with me and his sister though.

"I'm going to see if dad needs any help with dinner." Rachel says giving me a quick peck on the lips before skipping out of her room. I know she left to give me and Dave some time alone.

"Where are you off to?" I ask when Dave grabs his phone and starts for the door. "Dave," I sigh when he doesn't answer me. "Can we talk? Please?"

I watch as Dave takes a deep breath before leaning against the wall next to the door. "What?"

"All I have to offer is my apology." I shrug. "But I don't think even that would make you less upset or hurt. So how about you tell me how you feel? Yell at me if you must."

Five minutes go bye and Dave hasn't made eye contact or said a word to me. He just continues to lean against the wall. I start to think my approach is all wrong but just when I start to open my mouth, Dave starts talking.

"I don't want to yell at you." Dave starts. "Rachel will get mad at me." He jokes.

Dave finally looks at me. "Sucks being ignored, huh?"

And I finally realize what he was doing. All those times I didn't answer his phone calls or would ignore him when he came to visit…he was showing me how much it hurt. Teaching me a lesson.

"Yeah it does. I'm sorry."

Dave shrugs. "I already have one person forgetting about me. I don't need another." Dave leaves the room before I can respond.

Tear are rolling down my face before I even know it.

That just broke my heart. He is just a kid. He shouldn't be feeling like that. I shouldn't be making him feel like that.

I hate that I hurt him that much. He already has to deal with his daddy being sick and then he has me being his best friend one day and being a jerk the next. I really need to get it together. I can't keep hurting people like this.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Growing up, I was always closer to my mom.

Momma's girl.

Don't get me wrong. My dad is great. We have a great relationship but I was never a daddy's girl. He worked a lot more than he does now and I don't know… I just never have been a daddy's girl.

My mom was always that person I would go to when I needed advice, was upset or scared. She just always had a way of calming me and the words would just fly out of my mouth. Even during college, I was calling her all the time. And when I graduated, it was hard for me not to just run back home to be closer to her.

Since the accident, our relationship has been a little strained. I know it hurts her that I don't talk to her about what's going on with me. Of course she knows all the details of what happen that day, but she doesn't know how I feel about everything. How I feel about myself, people and life in general.

I just don't know how to talk to her about it. Like I want to talk to her about it, but I want to ease into it. Because…while things have been getting better for me, I'm not completely over all the madness in my head. It kills me to see her longing to protect me and help me. So that's how they came to be sitting in on my group therapy tonight.

Tuesday, at dinner I invited her and my dad. They were shocked at the event but also thrilled that they could be there for me. My mom started crying. It was an emotional night.

"Santana, I know you wanted to share a little tonight." Mr. Schuester nods at me.

I take a deep breath and nod a few times, trying to compose myself. I can feel my parent's eyes on the back of my head. They are sitting in some chairs behind me with some of the other group member's guest.

Once a month we can invite someone to sit in on the group meeting. It's a way for us to talk about something that's probably been on our mind or something we want to share with someone in our lives but we just don't know how. So they sit in on group therapy and just listen like everyone else. They don't get to interrupt and we feel more comfortable that way.

"I ah…" I take a quick look back at my parents. They are cuddled close, holding hands. It looks like my mom has a mad grip on my dad. "When I was in the hospital….it was terrible. I felt lifeless. Like I couldn't do anything but lay there and stare at the TV. The hospital was terrible. But…being released was worse."

I share how I felt being wheeled to the car. You know how when you go stay at the hospital for a certain amount of time and for certain things or whatever, when released they are required to wheel you down to the exit to wait on your ride? Well they wheeled me down and then they put the wheelchair right in the car with me. I hated it. I hate thinking about that day.

"I hated myself." I close my eyes. "Sometimes I still hate myself." I hear my mom suck in her breathe. Don't ask me how I know it's her. I just do. "When I came home…I got very depressed. I mean I was already depressed. But it got worse. I didn't want to move, eat…feel. I didn't want any of it."

I take a minute to wipe at the silent tears that are coming down my face. "I uh…I was terrible to my family and friends. But they never bent. They never stopped trying to help me…to understand me. Loving me." I give the group a weak smile. "So when my best friend came into my room and demanded I did _something_, I did." The something was getting my job back at the bookstore. "And I'm glad I did because now I'm learning…slowly but surely, how to love myself again. How to let people back into my life." I nod at Mr. Schuester to let him know that I am done.

I half listen as MR. Schuester conclude the meeting. I take a peek over my shoulder to see my mom face buried in my dads chest as she cries. My dad though is staring right at me. He gives me a weak smile and nods his head at the door. A signal that they will be waiting for me at the car.

The ride home was quiet. We just listen to the radio. And when we got home my mom went in the house and my dad helped me out of the car. It was weird because no matter how many times I've gotten and out of this van my mom has always stood around to fuss over me and make sure we are being careful.

But not tonight.

I go through my nightly routine before going into the kitchen for a glass of water. My dad is sitting at the table eating some cookies.

"Cookie?" He offers with his mouth half full.

"Dad that's disgusting." I frown at the chewed cookies showing from his mouth. "No thanks." I get me a glass of water and then roll myself to the table. "So uh…is mom,"

"She's fine." He cuts me off.

"Are you sure because,"

"I'm okay, Santana." My mom appears in the doorway. "Oh baby." Next thing I know my mom is kissing me all over my face and apologizing to me over and over again. "We love you so much. I love you so much."

"I'm sorry." I whisper into her hair. "I wasn't trying to hurt you guys."

"We know." My dad abandons his cookies to kneel next to my chair, his hand on my shoulder. "We know. You just wanted us to know what it's like for you." He nods.

"We are sorry for pushing you too fast and too hard." My mom says backing up to stand on the other side of my chair. "It's just hard to hear you talk like that. You're my baby. I love everything about you. I want you to love everything about you too."

"I know." I kiss her hand that I have between mines. "I just need time. Just…be patient with me." I try to explain things to them. "I just…I need you guys to understand that I'm the same but different. If that makes sense?"

"It does." My dad responds.

"Physically, emotionally and mentally." I shrug. "I just am and I'm just trying to figure this person out."

"Okay, baby." My mom nods and reaches for my dad's hand. "We love you and we are here for whatever."

&^^$$&^$#^& ()*

"What's this?" Dave snatches the book off of the table I tossed in front of him.

Things between us are still tense. It's been a week since I've been back to work and everything and he is still hesitant of me. Like he thinks I'm going to have a breakdown and leave again so he doesn't want to get to close again. I'm trying to prove him wrong. Well…I hopefully I'm wrong. I'm trying to be better.

"It's one of my favorite books." He thumbs through my worn copy of "The Outsiders". "You should read it. Great book. I've read it a thousand times."

Dave shrugs. "I'll think about it." He puts the book down and goes back to the paperwork in front of him.

"How are things with Sugar?"

"Fine."

I sigh. "Look Dave," He looks up at me. As much as he wants to ignore me, he was raised to well for that. "I'm sorry. I know I suck, but I'm trying." I shrug. "That's all I can do."

We stare at each other for a few minutes before he picks up my book again. "It's a favorite, huh?"

"Top three." I grin.

**TBC**

**a/n : You guys still there? Sorry about the wait. I suck so bad. I know. Forgive me please.**

**You guys are nothing less then fantastic! THANK YOU!**


	17. Chapter 17

"You don't like it?" Rachel studies my face from across the table.

"It's…okay." I say slowly after swallowing.

Rachel rolls her eyes and tosses a napkin at me. "You are so full of crap." She laughs.

"I'm sorry, baby." I say grinning, while playing with my spoon. "I'm sure you'll get better with practice."

Its rear that Rachel and I get time alone. I mean completely in a house alone. One of my parents is always at my house and Rachel's dad is always at her house. But last night Rachel's family left for the weekend to visit her Aunt a few cities over. Rachel invited me over for dinner. She explained to me that she was never a real cook. Baking is her thing but she wanted to try and make a meal for me. While it isn't terrible…I think she should stick to baking. One of the things I love about Rachel is she can take criticism well.

"Come on, let go sit in the living room. I'll order us take out."

What started out as just watching some TV until the food arrived… turned into making out. When the food did come we ate in silence and then afterwards cuddled back on the couch.

"Hey girlfriend?" I whisper when the show goes on commercial.

"Huh?" Rachel response distracted by her phone.

"Hey." I try again. This time Rachel puts her phone down and gives me her full attention. "I really like you."

Rachel beams. "Awww…you are being too cute tonight!" She pecks my lips. "I really like you too cutie."

#%^$96$^$

"Dinner was great ma." My mom bends down so I can give her a kiss on the cheek. "Later losers!"I call out to Noah and Quinn as I start wheeling away to my room.

I get into my room and start to shut the door but Quinn appears in the doorway. "What now?" I roll my eyes jokingly. "A girl can't get a minute alone."

"Shut up." Quinn pushes her way in and takes a seat on my bed. She sits patiently as I transfer myself from my chair to my bed.

We sit in silence for a little before I ask her what's up. "I mean…as much fun as I'm having…"

Quinn rolls her eyes and moves to sit right next to me against my headboard. "Noah's been talking about kids."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I sit quietly and wait until she gets her thoughts together. Quinn's been my best friend forever. We tell each other everything. If it wasn't for her I would still be locked up in my room, moaning about how crappy my life is because I'll never walk again. We push each other when no one else has the balls too. We let each other know the truth when everyone else it to afraid to call us out on our bullshit and tell us when we are wrong. We also praise each other when we get it right. And comfort each other in tough times. Almost two and half years ago we had one of the toughest times.

Quinn was 21 and in her first trimester when she lost the baby. She held herself up in her room for days crying. I came home from college for two weeks to be with her and my brother. After a week, Quinn tried to get out of the house and be social. She broke down in the grocery store not even hours after leaving the house. She saw a mom with her new born and just lost it. That was the saddest I'd ever seen her. Quinn is one of those people that just bounces back when life through curve balls. She always tries to see the positive of everything. But losing her baby…it's understandably one of those things you never get over.

"I just…I don't know." Quinn whispers. "What if…what if we try and…I don't think I can go through that again."

Noah and Quinn didn't plan the pregnancy. She had only just graduated college and been working for a few months when she found out she was pregnant. After the miscarriage, Quinn told my brother that she wanted to make sure they used all and any protection. I can understand how getting pregnant again and the thought of losing another child can be frightening. It's like me being able to walk again for a little and then losing my legs all over again. Both scary ideas.

"Hey." I throw my arm around her shoulder and pull her into my side. Quinn buries her face in my neck and cries quietly. "It's going to be okay, babe."

I can feel Quinn shaking her head again me. "You don't know that." She says through some sniffles.

"I guess you're right." I sigh. "But I do know that whatever happens you'll get through it. We all will help you get through it. We'll get through it."

"Gosh…" Quinn raises her head, but we stay wrapped up in each other arms. "I want a baby, San. I want your stupid brother's baby." She tries to lighten up a little.

"Then go for it."

"I'm afraid."

"I know." I kiss her forehead.

"But…I want to try."

"Okay."

"We are going to try."

"Okay." I grin.

"I love you."Quinn kisses my cheek.

"I'm sorry. Were you trying to have the baby by me or my brother?" I joke.

"Shut up." Quinn pinches my side.

I laugh and kiss her cheek. "I love you too."

TBC

Thoughts anyone?

review


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